Found 337 results
15.3s
She's got a knife. - It's just a SpongeBob knife. - It's still a knife. Just put the knife down, honey. Look, kid, just put down the weapon, okay? You guys want me to deal with this, or do you still got it? - Do you wanna let her jump in here now, please? - Okay, okay. Fine. Fine! Lita.
Instant Family
29.6s
- I did not cave. - Oh, you caved. Lizzy gave you the look and you caved. Maybe I just wanted to be the fun parent for once instead of being the bad guy. - I tried being the bad guy. You wouldn't let me. - Okay, fine. I'm sorry. But look how much fun everybody's having. And Lizzy, she's actually smiling. It's crazy. Hey! Did you have fun? You don't have to go on the kiddie rides. I love the big rides. You want to go on the... - Hey, Lizzy! - Hey, what's up? - Good to see you! - Good to see you too!
Instant Family
1m24s
- Unlock the window! - And if I say anything about any of it... I'm so sorry. It's not my fault. - Lizzy's favorite pastime is just... - Just leave me alone! Thanks for making me late. You're an asshole. God forbid we actually try to parent the little ones. No, no, that's her territory. Don't forget, when Lizzy was ten her mother would disappear for weeks at a time, leaving Lizzy to parent Juan and Lita all by herself. Yeah, she's not just gonna step aside and let you two take over. - Are you saying that we should let her parent the kids? - Are you paying attention? She's 15. She's a terrible parent. She needs to be a kid. Now, you gotta step up and become the parents. - But you just said she won't let us. - Nope, she won't. You know, Karen, you've been a godsend through most of this, but you're just about to piss me off! You won't get anywhere with her until you two get on the same page. - Right? - That's right. If she's hostile with you again, maybe try using the three R's. Okay? Number one: regulate. "Lizzy, why don't you take some deep breaths, count to ten." Number two: relate. "I understand that you're upset. Nobody likes to feel this way." - That's good. - Number three: reason. "Lizzy, it's okay to be angry. What's not okay is to threaten to slash our throats in the middle of the night when we're asleep." - Hmm? - What? I'm sorry, did I...? That was actually us. Our story. - Yeah. - Last session. The little guy didn't follow through with it though.
Instant Family
42.2s
What? You don't. - Actually, there's this one guy, Jacob. - Yeah? Wow, that's a cute name. Jacob. I like... Like Jake. No, honey, it's "Hway-cob." Right? Right? "Hway-cob." No, no, it's just Jacob. Jacob. J... J... acob. Yeah, and he's not cute. He's more of like an artsy, old soul type. - Yeah! - Yeah. I was never into the cute ones either. Nah. Cute's overrated. Right? I didn't either. I've never had a hot boyfriend, ever. Shut up! ♪ You look like a monkey ♪ ♪ And you smell like one too ♪ Yeah!
Instant Family
24.6s
I can't get over it. They look just like normal kids. What did you think they were gonna look like? Little pirates? I don't know. They're just so cute. How is the new school? It's good. It's like... It's, um... It's school. - Yeah. - Awesome. And what's the boy situation? Anything exciting? No, no. Hey, hey, leave her alone. She doesn't like talking about that kind of stuff, so just go easy.
Instant Family
51.9s
- I got you, buddy. I got you. - Get in, get in, get in. Seat belts on, everybody! Seat belts on. You're a brave boy, you hear me? Look at me. You're so brave. Yeah? You're doing such a good job, buddy. We're right here. Hello! Hey, help, please. - What happened? - He's got a nail in his foot. I didn't want to take it out, just in case. That was very smart. Put him right on this gurney. - Hey, buddy. - It's all right, buddy. We're here. - Are you the mother? - Yes. Oh, I'm his foster mom. - Okay. - Right this way, Dad. Hey, buddy, what's your name? Juan, we're gonna clean this off, give you a little anesthetic, and then take this nail out. Hold my hand. Gonna be a little pinch. Look at me. - Hold my hand, hold my hand. - A little bit of a sting. - Stop! Stop! - It's almost over. - That's it. - It's done! It's done. It's done. I think we should take Lita to the lobby. You want to go with her or stay here with Juan? You take her.
Instant Family
38.5s
You know, this reminds me of when Pete and his degenerate friends stole a pizza truck. - She's good. She's good. - Oh, God. Are you two gonna stand there all night, or are we gonna try to get these kids to bed at a decent hour? You remember I told you we weren't special enough for this? - We were doing fine. - You said that we were in a rut. Maybe we were spoiled and didn't appreciate the rut. The rut was easy and quiet. You know, I miss the rut. But you had to be a mommy. Whose idea was it to go and talk to the teenagers? We could've had a toddler who doesn't have opinions and thong underwear. - What? - You pushed us into some next-level shit! Look, we can't start turning on each other here. If we just stay calm and we work together, we can find a way to get these little assholes out of our house!
Instant Family
37.3s
So he doesn't have to wear a cast or anything? It's just stitches? - Yeah. - Well, that's good news. - Yeah. - And how did this happen? It was my fault. I walked away, and I left the gun there. - Juan just picked it up. - No. It wasn't their fault. It was mine. I was trying to leave in a car and I wasn't supposed to, and then they got distracted, and then I yelled at Juan, and he dropped the thing on his foot... Don't be ridiculous. I should never have left the nail gun there. Pete, shut up! This is the kind of stuff they move kids for, okay? It wasn't their fault. They didn't do anything. - I should be the one getting in trouble right now. - It's okay. Why don't you come on over here? Excuse me. And, uh, let's talk about what happened.
Instant Family