National Lampoon's Van Wilder 2000 Clear all

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15.1s
You know what you do about a mild rectal itch, Gordo? - What's that, Richard? - You scratch it. Then you scratch it some more. The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets... until finally you have nothing left but a raw, chafed... possibly infected anal cavity.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.6s
All right, people, midterm is next week.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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17.8s
- You hooked up with a burner. - Yeah. She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time? Always check the quality of the turf before you step onto the field. Listen, go to the campus hospital, see Stu. Tell him Van sent you, and remember-- Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool. Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot. Don't thank me. Thank penicillin.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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8.5s
- Is Van here? - He don't wanna see you. - Excuse me? - Look. - Why don't you just leave him alone? - Home wrecker.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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3.7s
I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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1.6s
Lucky girl.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.6s
- You must be Van. - Hi.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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26.7s
Look, I need you to help me "release"... some pressure. You know, help me "relax." Just so we're clear, I'm talking about intercourse. I know you had a fling with Wilder. And it's okay. You just had to get it out of your system. I just hope you used some protection. And I wouldn't want our future children to be tainted... because Mommy went slumming one night back in college.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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It's ridiculous! It's preposterous! It's ludicrous! By God, it's impetuous! - So does that mean you gonna help us? - Oh, it's on.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Hey. Excuse me. Gwen!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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7s
Yes, these interviews are somewhat of a formality... but I think it's crucial we like-minded people get to know one another.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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7.8s
And then we bumped uglies. It was the best ten seconds ever. Ever.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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5.7s
Damn it, Gwen, pick it up. I know you're there. You know I have my Northwestern interview next week.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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4.1s
I'm leaving. Then leave. But leave the honorable way.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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11.9s
Man, you ever heard of Tiger Woods, bitch? You better get out of here before I hit you upside the head with a three iron. What's wrong with you? Enjoy yourself. - What's wrong, dog? - Nothing. I don't feel like partying.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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13.5s
- Hey, Jeannie. - Look. I just wanted to explain about the whole, you know, Richard thing. Me and Richard's unspoken bond blossomed the other night in one beautiful... symbiotic act. - What sort of act? - Messing up that Van Wilder party.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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7.2s
Most importantly, you saw potential... in me.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.4s
Out of my way!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder