Xenophobic. Oh! - Regurgitation. - I know that one.
American Pie
32.8s
Ow! Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early this time. What makes you think that I would come early? Come on. I saw you on the 'Net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing. Yes, I am. So I said, "This is very obviously a Piero della Francesca."
American Pie
18.1s
- Good morning, gentlemen. - Finch. Where were you last night, huh? What happened to that foolproof plan of yours? Well, I was going for a fashionably-late entrance and I was too late. So, no ladies left. It was a very special night, very special. Guys. Guys.
American Pie
8s
We'll tell you on the bus. I'm gonna go inside and grab my bag. My date too, perhaps?
American Pie
3.2s
I wasn't lying.
American Pie
1m26s
Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing. And I have to admit, uh, you know. I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. - I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud." I never did it with baked goods. But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day. See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game. You see? It's like... It's like... banging a tennis ball against a brick wall. Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game. - Right. No. - It's not a game. What you want is you want a partner to return the ball. - Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner. - You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner. - Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course. Good. So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on... the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back... on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff. You see, Hal is going through a... rite of passage, much like you all are. So make most of the time you've got left together. You'll miss it later. So, does your tongue cramp up? Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though. That's amazing. She's probably gonna want to do it soon.
American Pie
35.2s
You know what? I don't know if I want to be doing this. - Doing what? - You know, like, if we hook up tonight, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. No way! Steve, you could at least look at me when you say that! Look. Sarah, I... I wouldn't go telling stories or anything about you. I promise. So, just... relax, take it slow... and let the good times roll.
American Pie
3.4s
What's wrong?
American Pie
7.9s
Okay, let's go. What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Michelle, Michelle.
American Pie
52.7s
- Guess what? - Not interested. Kevin. Come on, man. The bus to Stifler's is gonna be here soon. - I'm not going. - What? Why not? Look, things didn't really turn out how I wanted them to. I mean, I don't even know what I'm doin'. I-I'm acting like I've got everything together tonight. I know that Vicky's gonna ask me if I love her, and... I don't know what I'm gonna say. I mean, I'm on the brink. I'm just about to do it. I should be psyched. I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe I am just scared. Come on, Kev. Tonight is the night. We-We are finally going to a post-prom party on the lake. We have been waiting for this for four years. Why else have we been friends with Stifler all this time, right?
American Pie
2.1s
Yeah.
American Pie
4.1s
What's this door locked... Mom, where's...
American Pie
2.1s
Oh, God.
American Pie
2.3s
Well, safer than a tube sock.
American Pie
5.2s
Not bad, Chris. Really?
American Pie
4.2s
- No! No. No. - Please, God. What's going on?
American Pie
2.1s
That was a great night, huh?
American Pie
26.3s
- Let me know. - Okay. Keep going. I should be able to talk to girls. I'm articulate. You know, I got a 720 on my S.A.T. Verbal. Bullshit. There's no way. I kid you not, man. Look. Listen. Copious. Verisimilitude. Oh, ohh. Now.