STU: W... W... Wait. Those are the guys that shot Eddie. [SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] - Listen... MAN 1: Let's go! - Okay. - Oh, no. STU: Easy, easy. MAN 2: Come on. PHIL: Okay. All right. - All right, all right. MAN 2: Let's go.
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Don't make any sudden movements.
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Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy. Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into? - You know him? - This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs. - How you doing? - I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs. - Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin? - Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru...? Wha...? - Who gives a shit? Where is Doug? - I am Doug. - Your name's Doug? - Yes, I'm Doug. His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix-up. Come on. - Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug. - Not my problem. No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you! - No. Come on. I'll be your Doug. - Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back. Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts.
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5.2s
So, what do you guys got under there? Just a whole bunch of "mind your own business."
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DOUG: Oh, it's like college. - All right. I wanna talk about something. DOUG: All right. - I want to... ALAN: I'd like to...
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- It was a real pleasure meeting you. - Fuck off. - I'm getting my bartender's license. - Suck my dick. No, thank you.
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You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass... ...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart. I think he's mean. All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy. Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense. We don't have much of a choice. And maybe she's heard from Doug. That's what I been saying this whole time.
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6.4s
Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car... ...with a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?
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DOUG: How the hell did you find this place? Don't worry about it. Oh!
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Sorry, Alan. You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be okay. [CAR APPROACHING] PHIL: Oh, shit. I can't watch. Just tell me what it looks like.
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By the way, where you get that cop car from? We, uh, stole it from these dumb-ass cops. Nice. [LAUGHING] High five that one. Yeah, that's nice. PHIL: You know, I just have to say... ...I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature. PHIL: Check it out. Stu. Stu. Fuck this tiger. STU: Oh, my God. That's awful. MIKE: Oh, man. [STU LAUGHING ON VIDEO] PHIL [OVER TV]: Oh, shit. - Who does shit like that, man?
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4s
Honey, it's a long story.
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STU: And 100, 200, 300, 400. With all this, that's $82,400. - Oh, goddamn it. I don't fucking believe it. - Whoo! - Alan, you're the man. - You are too, Phil. We should come back next week, take the whole city down. Oh, I'm free next week. Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now. Uh, you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that is totally fine. I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around, guys. - We are back, baby. We are fucking back. - We're back. Classic. [SINGING] We are back, we are back PHIL: That's right. We are getting Doug back And we're the three best friends That anybody could have We're the three best friends That anyone could have We're the three best friends That anyone can have And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever Leave each other We're the best three friends That anybody could have I mean, the three best friends That anybody could have That's right, the three best friends That anybody can have PHIL: Now what? - Give him the signal. - What signal? - Flash your lights. Let him know it's on. - What's on? - The deal. Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles into the desert. He knows it's on. Phil, just do something.
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6.4s
Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. Wow.
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- Tell me what? - Careful, Doug. These women...
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All right, to a night we'll never remember...
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Oh, fuck!
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- What is that? - Blood brothers. - Don't... Why did you...? - Damn it. - Here. - Alan... - No. - No, I'm not doing that. ALAN: Go ahead, Stuart. - Make him stop. Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife. Slowly. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much. PHIL: You all right? Are you okay? ALAN: Mm-hm. - Do you need a doctor? - He's good. PHIL: You sure? ALAN: I'm good. All right, good, because I need everybody to focus. I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk about some... I wanna talk about memory. No, better yet, I wanna talk about selective memory. You see, whatever happens here tonight may as well never have happened at all...