MALE NARRATOR: We are often told that happily-ever-afters exist only in the pages of fairy tales and in the naive minds of sheltered innocents. And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon, a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend, proving two things. Happy endings can come true for anyone. And America doesn't give a shit about anything.
Ted 2
2.7s
Teddy, this is the best day of my life!
Ted 2
6.4s
Do you, Tami-Lynn McCafferty, take this teddy bear to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Ted 2
2.4s
Let's go get shit-faced! Okay!
Ted 2
2.2s
Being back in that church again.
Ted 2
6.2s
I just love you so much. I love you, too, baby. I'm gonna go fifty shades of bear on you tonight.
Ted 2
17.3s
Hey, congrats, you mofos. Oh, hey, GUY- Beautiful ceremony. Oh. Thank you so much for being a part of it. Hey, this is my new boyfriend, Rick. How you doing? Good, good. He's a gourmet chef. So he knows how to toss a salad. (BOTH CHUCKLE)
Ted 2
1.5s
(GLASS BREAKS)
Ted 2
14.7s
You guys wanna celebrate with a little something else, hmm? Oh. Uh, no, thanks, Sam. Tami-Lynn would kill me if I did drugs on our wedding day. Ah, she won't notice. I just did a line with a dude in the men's room and I bet you can't even spot him.
Ted 2
27.8s
TED: Hey, buddy. You okay, there? You look a little down. Are you still shaking off that hangover from the bachelor party? Oh! That's nice. Oh, my God. She's fucking begging for it! (LAUGHS) She's totally begging. Get it. Get in there. Look at her. She wants it bad! JOHN: Oh, yeah. She wants more than just a fucking pizza delivery, huh? (MEN LAUGHING) TED: That's bigger than the average bear right there, I tell you. JOHN: You know what's fucked up? Dude, that's somebody's fucking daughter! MAN: Oh, shit! Jesus! Come on!
Ted 2
8.2s
I mean, everything seemed like it was gonna be so perfect. Yeah. Well, you're not the first guy to marry the wrong girl. Hey, hey! Big day, huh, bud?
Ted 2
1.5s
(ALL CHEERING)
Ted 2
3.8s
I'm sorry I turned you away. I was wrong.
Ted 2
1.2s
Is that correct?
Ted 2
17.4s
Maybe we don't want you now. Shut up. No, yeah, we want you. For sure, we want you. What made you change your mind? Well, when I saw what John did for you, that he was willing to give his life for yours, it gave me a kick in the ass. Reminded me of why I chose to do the kind of work I do.
Ted 2
1.6s
What do you think that was about?
Ted 2
10s
It's always gonna be empty. There's never gonna be a little foot in here. I don't understand. We would have made such great parents. (INHALES) Oh, my God.
Ted 2
8.1s
As far as I'm concerned, anyone who can inspire that kind of love in another person deserves to be called human.
