Try and be a little more responsible tomorrow. I will, sir, I promise.
Ted
3.2s
I'm gonna dock you for dinging the car and for showing up late today, all right?
Ted
5.1s
I'm going to show you something that I don't like to show people because I don't want them treating me differently.
Ted
37.8s
I don't know. I dig chicks, man. I don't remember any of it. I was so fucked up. I might be gay, I don't know. Do you mind covering for me for a bit? I might go lay down in the john. Hey, buddies. Where is it hanging? Hey, Alix, what's up? You get in the club last night? I didn't get in because the bouncer was douche-face. But I made friends in the line. That's good, I guess. Hey, guys, anybody know a nice restaurant, like something where they give out free bubblegum in the bathrooms? For what? Lori and I have been dating four years tomorrow. I want to take her someplace really nice. Aw, congratulations, John. GUY: You guys have been going out for four years? My longest relationship was like six months and then she farted in her sleep. I'm like, "I'm out of here, man." I was gone before she woke up.
Ted
8.8s
That's bullshit. What about Lori? She's hot. No, Lori's from Pennsylvania. That's not a Boston girl. They're not that bad. See, the fact that you have to say they're not that bad means that they are that bad.
Ted
6.2s
I don't know. Maybe, yeah. Well, do you think you're part of some gay beat-up underworld? Like one of those gay beat-up clubs or something?
Ted
6.4s
And then, at 4:30, I texted the same person saying, "Thanks." And you don't remember it? No, same as last time.
Ted
4.3s
Thank you for choosing Liberty. Drive safely. Thanks. Thanks so much.
Ted
3.8s
I know that. Get out of here, okay? Thank you, sir.
Ted
1.2s
Tom Skerritt.
Ted
1.2s
So?
Ted
25.3s
What, like anal? No, like a fucking circular gold thing on her finger. Oh, fuck that! It's been four years, Johnny. You and me have been together for 27 years. Where's my ring? Where's my ring, asshole? Where's my ring, motherfucker? Stop it. Come on! Put it on my fuzzy finger, you fuck! Come on! (LAUGHS) All right, knock it off! All right, I'm just saying. But do you think she might be expecting me to make that kind of a move? No, I don't think she is. And, not only that, it's the wrong time.
Ted
10.9s
Hey. Hey, sweetie. Hey, Lori-. Hi. Hi. What do you got there? Turkey burgers. Are we having homosexuals over for dinner tonight?
Ted
5.6s
It's a terrible idea. I mean, you got the economy. You got the credit bubble, the Supreme Court. I mean, look at Haiti.
Ted
7.1s
You kind of just reworded my joke, but, uh... (CHUCKLES) How was work? It was fine. How's your dickhead boss?
Ted
3.9s
Come on, nobody's expecting anybody to propose. I mean, marriage isn't...