I made you out to be a hero. You know what, John, we asked Ted to move out so we can give ourselves a chance without him.
Ted
2.6s
This is Jared. He's the guy who beat me up.
Ted
3.6s
Yeah. I did wish for it.
Ted
1.6s
You know I love you.
Ted
1.3s
(SIGHS) All right.
Ted
13.7s
You know what? You're acting like a cock. You know that? What? I'm acting like a cock? Yes, you are. So shut your meat hole for a second and listen to me. Huh? Meat hole? What? That's not right, is it? No. "Pudding hole"? Is that what they say? No, it can't be that either.
Ted
6.4s
JOHN'S MOM: Listen to your father! Come here! Helen, get my gun. Dad, no! Is it a hugging gun? Helen, get my gun, and call the police!
Ted
3.2s
You're asking me out a week after I broke up with somebody?
Ted
2.9s
Now, I have to give you an ouch.
Ted
1.3s
(SINGING)
Ted
8.5s
This is the American fantasy, right here. A professional NFL player is called upon to save the world. Tom Brady could do that. Tom Brady could do that!
Ted
5.9s
What I meant to say was Ted's very handsome so I'm always interested in meeting the lady that can snatch him up.
Ted
8.6s
Screw you, pal. I belong to John Bennett. But I can give you love, and rocking horses, and dancing.
