Now, I know we said no gifts, but... We said no such thing. I got you something anyway, in clear violation of the "no gift" rule. We had no such rule. Lori, I've wanted to give this to you for a long time.
Ted
6.4s
Let's all be best friends. Oh, my God! John, get away from that thing. Get over here right now. But, Dad... Get over here!
Ted
4.7s
I actually went through something like this with my last boyfriend. Really? Yeah.
Ted
3.7s
You son of a bitch! Well, you never should have trusted me. I'm on drugs.
Ted
4.2s
Well, that's good to hear. Yeah. (CELL PHONE RINGING)
Ted
2.8s
TED: Stick your finger in the loop of my tag.
Ted
3.7s
And it reminds me that things aren't so bad.
Ted
1.7s
Oh, shit, hang on a second.
Ted
1.2s
JOHN: Shit!
Ted
7.5s
Yeah, Rex is having a house party but I'm surprised John didn't tell you, considering you two have seen each other every single day since you moved out.
Ted
4.9s
Sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning when I was eight years old. I wish I had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
Ted
6.2s
It'll be great when it's furnished. Yeah, and the guy said it ain't hardly had no murders in it. So, that's good.
Ted
5.1s
This is the first time that you've been single in all the years you've worked here.
Ted
5.2s
Woody Harrelson. Smallest dick I've ever seen on a man. (BOTH LAUGHING)
Ted
6.1s
Well, you know, I don't have to be at work for another 20 minutes.
Ted
2.9s
If you can cover for me, I'm cool with all that other shit.
