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1.7s

Because Teddy ain't got no dick.

Ted 2

5.4s

Now, the case we'll be examining today is really quite a simple one.

Ted 2

9.5s

In every civil rights conflict, we are only able to recognize the just point of view years after the fact.

Ted 2

1.2s

Thank you.

Ted 2

2.3s

Holy shit! Hey, Ted!

Ted 2

2.4s

It's everybody else's fault, Mary Decker!

Ted 2

3s

See, most people flip the cakes.

Ted 2

1.4s

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Ted 2

3.3s

All right. I think I can handle the defense.

Ted 2

8.8s

Mr. Kidder, you were an employee at Hasbro from 1976 to 1998. Is that correct? Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.

Ted 2

1.9s

Seems pretty human to me.

Ted 2

9.7s

Um, 'm the case of Ted v. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts, we, the jury, find for the Commonwealth in that Ted is not a person.

Ted 2

7.5s

The bear products are affixed with an electronic device in the chest which can be programmed to say any one of five phrases.

Ted 2

6.1s

I don't know exactly what makes a person a person. All I know is I feel stuff.

Ted 2

33.6s

(SINGING) If you wanna sit there with a pie of meat Just fuck your own brother in the front seat Oh, why can't you just say please? Hey! Must be the money Hey, Sam, why do you have a duffel bag that says "Arizona State"? Because that's where I went to school. What, you went to Arizona State? Yeah, why? Oh, man, that's why we lost the case. Hello? You're dicks. Arizona State. Hey, how many times you been fucked on a houseboat? (LAUGHING) (LAUGHING) Oh, come on. Did you write your dissertation on the collected works of, uh, Red Bull? Yeah. Yeah, I did. I got an A on it.

Ted 2

1.7s

Wait, what?

Ted 2

2.9s

You want to be human in the eyes of the law.

Ted 2

24.5s

I mean, maybe more like a hammer or an orange, but yeah. What the hell do they know? It's just a word. They can't change your whole life just by calling you property! Bullshit! You better ask my ancestors. One minute, you in Africa, washing your clothes in the river, titties out. You good. Then all of a sudden, you somewhere across the world, fucking Thomas Jefferson. Wow! You make history come alive. Why the hell is this just coming up now?

Ted 2

Found 1507 results

Because Teddy ain't got no dick.

Now, the case we'll be examining today is really quite a simple one.

In every civil rights conflict, we are only able to recognize the just point of view years after the fact.

Thank you.

Holy shit! Hey, Ted!

It's everybody else's fault, Mary Decker!

See, most people flip the cakes.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

All right. I think I can handle the defense.

Mr. Kidder, you were an employee at Hasbro from 1976 to 1998. Is that correct? Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.

Seems pretty human to me.

Um, 'm the case of Ted v. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts, we, the jury, find for the Commonwealth in that Ted is not a person.

The bear products are affixed with an electronic device in the chest which can be programmed to say any one of five phrases.

I don't know exactly what makes a person a person. All I know is I feel stuff.

Wait, what?

You want to be human in the eyes of the law.