Haley Lu Richardson Comedy Clear all

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Mom?

The Edge of Seventeen

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Oh.

The Edge of Seventeen

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I gonna be your other mom and take such good care of you. [Nadine narrating] I accidentally suffocated him two hours later in my pencil box.

The Edge of Seventeen

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Hi, guy. If you want, you can be his other mom with me.

The Edge of Seventeen

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♪ It's too late to fight ♪ -♪ It's too late to change me ♪ -Dad? ♪ You may be wrong for all I know ♪ ♪ But you may be right ♪ [music continues] [sobbing]

The Edge of Seventeen

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Oh, my God. I knew it.

The Edge of Seventeen

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But don't squash him.

The Edge of Seventeen

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You want to hold him?

The Edge of Seventeen

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[fades out]

The Edge of Seventeen

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[door closes] -Mm-hmm. -[cell phone buzzing] What? Dibs. Huh? -Dibs, dibs, dibs. -What are you even saying? Mom's fucking a dentist in Manzanita for two days, so I called dibs on the house. Ew. Bye. You are so sick for saying it like that. Mom's boobs are jangling around a dentist's face. See it, Darian. See Mom's titties all up in that dentist's face. - Ah-ah. -♪ Let's go ♪ ♪ And the man in the back said everyone attack ♪ ♪ And it turned into a ballroom blitz ♪ ♪ And the girl in the corner said, Boy, I want to warn you ♪ ♪ It'll turn into a ballroom blitz Ballroom blitz ♪ ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪ ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪ -Ow! -♪ Ballroom blitz ♪

The Edge of Seventeen

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Did I not tell you? Cheeseburgers. Mmm! -Do you want a fry? -Oh, yeah. ♪ I told you dirty jokes until you smiled ♪ Oh, hey. That was Billy Joel. You don't turn past Billy Joel. ♪ I might be as crazy as you say ♪ [chuckles] [laughs] ♪ If I'm crazy then it's true ♪ ♪ That it's all because of you ♪ -Mmm. -♪ And you wouldn't want me any other way ♪ [chuckles] ♪ You may be right ♪ -[coughing] -♪ I may be crazy ♪ -[groans] -Dad? I-- -Dad, are you okay? -[groans] Dad! Dad!

The Edge of Seventeen

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[Nadine narrating] And then, out of the clear blue, an angel appeared. Can you move, please?

The Edge of Seventeen

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We told each other things we never thought we'd say out loud. Once, my grandpa's pajama flap accidentally came open and I saw his wiener and got real sad. My mom has to take medicine or she'll get upset and buy too much at the mall. It's true. [both laughing]

The Edge of Seventeen

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It's really just the hair. It's not that bad. You can just grow it out. Are you even up there? Hey, move. I got to pee. [Nadine narrating] Darian, meanwhile, just got better-looking, and that asshole knew it.

The Edge of Seventeen

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[Nadine narrating] She was dressed like a small, elderly gentleman.

The Edge of Seventeen

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[laughs]

The Edge of Seventeen

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Oh, my God. Would you please look at that stupid shirt my brother's wearing? [Krista] Oh, you can see his nipples. How does he not realize that all that does is scream, "I have a body complex worse than a girl." How much does he even work out now? It's OCD. You should have seen him. He had a conniption 'cause my mom won't by him creatine anymore since it fucks up your kidneys. I was like, "I know, Darian. I know. What does Mom expect, you to win people over with your personality?"

The Edge of Seventeen

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No. Yeah, you don't sound very believable, and you're making me nervous, Nadine. Your upper arms are breathtaking. -Where are you going? -Well, it's last minute, but Brent called me, the-the dentist one, and he asked if I wanted to go to Manzanita for the weekend, and I thought, you know what? I deserve to be a little selfish once in a while, so-- Is that one of the, um, Match.com guys? Yeah. You should go for as long as you want.

The Edge of Seventeen