Oh! Alfred! I am so sorry. I have incredible reflexes. No, it's all my fault, sir. I should have known better than to sneak up on you like that. Sorry, I was just lost in thought, and as you know, when I'm in there, I'm in deep. Were you looking at the old family pictures again? At the what? The old family... Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn't. I see. Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I'm a little concerned. I've seen you go through similar phases in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1966. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now? I don't talk about feelings, Alfred. I don't have any, I've never seen one. I'm a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage. 24/7, 365, at a million percent. And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy. Good night, Alfred. Sir, it's morning. Master Bruce, you live on an island, figuratively and literally. Yeah. I love it. You can't spend the rest of your life alone, dressed in black, listening to angry music, and staying up all night. Yes, I can, 'cause I'm Batman. But don't you think it's time you finally faced your greatest fear? - Snakes? - No. - Clowns? - No. Snake clowns? Bruce, listen.
The Lego Batman Movie
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Nope. Now it's snake clowns, because you put that idea in my head. - Sir? - Time for push-ups! One, two... We're going to 1,000. I'm afraid that's not possible, sir. It is possible. I'm already at 20. You're scheduled to go to Jim Gordon's retirement party. What? No. I don't wanna do that. - You're going to have a great time! - No, no, no. You might meet some new people! No, no, no! You could even make some new friends. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No! And before you go, we can do your favorite thing.
The Lego Batman Movie
43s
So, when people ask you "Who's your number one bad guy?" you say... Superman. Are you seriously saying that there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship? Whoa. Let me tell you something, J-bird. - Batman doesn't do 'ships. - What? As in "relationships." There is no "us." Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.
The Lego Batman Movie
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Looks like your plan failed. Well, it's only a matter of time before I take over Gotham City.
The Lego Batman Movie
6.4s
'Cause this time I got you. Oh, yeah? Well, there's only one problem.
The Lego Batman Movie
6s
When has that ever happened? Computer! Calculating. Never.
The Lego Batman Movie
3.9s
Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
The Lego Batman Movie
1.3s
There you are!
The Lego Batman Movie
32.6s
- Yeah. - Really? - Oh, yeah. - Wow. Are you looking for more of a base model orphan - or one that has more upgraded features? - Yep. Like cooking or driftwood art? - Gymnastic abilities? - Yep. Yep. Close-up street magic à la David Blaine? - All of it sounds great. - Really? Because all of it sounds like me. Mr. Wayne, do you think you'd be interested in adopting me as your future orphan son? Definitely. Oh, this is great! Because all I want is to get adopted, so I can finally stop being alone.
The Lego Batman Movie
22.6s
Anything exciting happen when I was gone? You have four pieces of mail. Great, what'd I get? You have this week's Pennysaver, two bills, and a coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond. It expires in two weeks. But I've heard that some stores will honor them past the expiry date. Copy that. Also, Alfred is on the 17th floor, grouting tiles in the second bathroom of the fifth master bedroom.
I wish you could have seen me. I think you would have been really proud.
The Lego Batman Movie
4.2s
Oh, wait. There, which one is, uh...
The Lego Batman Movie
3.5s
Oh, not 20 minutes. Stupid.
The Lego Batman Movie
1.7s
Hey, Computer.
The Lego Batman Movie
13.7s
Bruce, over here! Okay, shutterbugs. Look alive, here we go. I'm gonna give you three poses. You ready? Kissy face. Oops, I did it again. And the Bad Boys. What you gonna do? I'm out of here, guys. Thank you. - Congresswoman. - Mr. Wayne, good to see you.
The Lego Batman Movie
3.3s
Madam Mayor, stay close to me. Head for the south exit.