Found 289 results
48.3s
It's actually the guy on the moped with the iPad. NSA stopped using utility vans years ago. I figured once you sent the camera back, it was time to take drastic measures. What'd he say? Are we doing this? Plan B, have Pam kidnap you. - I've got to get her back. - You want me to kidnap her? I'll bring her back to you in a box, bro. She's on a bus headed west on I-85 across Florida. Her boat leaves in four hours. It was easy to track her down because of the whole Middle Eastern thing. Bet you never thought you'd 69 a girl because of the Patriot Act. You 69 her, man! And then she's dead. Are you kidding me, Pam? This is what you drive? Oh, yeah, it is so easy selling kids drugs from an ice cream truck. It's crazy! - Jason! Jason! - Go, go, go, go! Jason, stop! Stop right now. Stop! Stop!
Dirty Grandpa
1m7s
So you're a lawyer at your dad's firm now, is that right? That's right, and Meredith is too. You know, her dad is one of the managing partners there, so... - I know, that's... - Yeah. It couldn't have worked out better. Because it's just that I remember when you were in high school, you told me how much you wanted to be a photographer, travel the world. That sort of thing. You remember when I got you that subscription to Time magazine? Yeah, I used to be into photography, but, um... I mean, with Dad being at the firm, pfft, it just made so much more sense to focus on a college curriculum that stressed the law school track. I mean, I love what I do, Grandpa. Being a corporate lawyer is awesome, I get to handle SEC compliance... - No shit! - Yeah. Yeah. You handle SEC compliance? - LP agreements. - Oh, man, I didn't know that. - LLC agreements. - You're shitting me! Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides. - You know what I'd rather do? - What? I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon. That's me. I'm gonna hit the liquor store over there, get some more of the creature. Meet you back at the Dildomobile in five. You're paying the check, Alan Douche-owitz.
Dirty Grandpa
22.1s
Look, I don't expect you to understand. You're young. You have a long, long time before you have to look into that abyss. But the way I see it, having sex with that girl is my last stand. And I can't do it without you. So I'm asking you. Please, Jason, just stay one more day so I can do this. Please.
Dirty Grandpa
37.5s
Hey, Jason, you should check your diaper, bro. I think you just shit your pants. And in church, too, in front of God? I don't get why you're here. Oh! Someone made a doodie in their yum-yum! I'm just gonna put this out there once. I know your baby just got baptized. But I've got a guy in Tampa who will pay upwards of 60 grand for a healthy, white, male baby that can fight. This is a good deal, you should take it. I don't know this guy that well, but he seems extremely trustworthy. Oh, yeah. You interested? - Classic Pam. - Classic Pam. Knock-knock. Who's there? Classic Pam.
Dirty Grandpa
39.5s
I just don't understand why he wants you to take him. You're not even that close. Well, we used to be. Grandpa and I got along growing up. We used to build these model trains every Christmas, so I brought him... Well, it seems like we're cutting it a little close here, you know, - with the rehearsal brunch on Friday... - I know. I know. And by the way, I can't find any of the Martha's Vineyard vacation photos for the slide show. I'm just freaking out. That's because they're on my laptop, which I've got right here. So I'll send them to the wedding planner. You don't have to worry about anything. Thanks. And your dad says take 75, because 16 takes forever. Yeah, I know. He's got it all mapped out for me. And can you take my car, sweetie? Uh, I need the SUV for the wine.
Dirty Grandpa