Found 289 results
27.1s
Thanks for doing this, by the way. Those fuckheads down at the DMV took my goddamn license away because of these fucking cataracts in my eye. But I can still hit the shit out of a golf ball, that's for sure! I made a tee time for us in Florida for this afternoon. You can use your grandmother's lady clubs, they're right there by the front door. Okay. All right, you ready? I thought the plan was to have breakfast here? That's your breakfast. Now let's go get in that giant labia you drove up in and get the fuck out of here.
Dirty Grandpa
36.6s
Oh, my God, you should see your faces! I just went out to grab lunch and a new horse mask. I left mine at the beach the other day. Whoo! I thought you were gonna shit your pants, little guy. - Gun's real though. - What the fuck, man! Relax, this is Florida. Everything's a licensed gun range. You just shot through a wall, man! - Hey... - There's pedestrians outside! Yeah, again, it's Florida! These people don't matter. - What? - So? Welcome to Tam Pam Surf Slam. What can I do for you gentlemen? I'm Pam. - You're Pam? - Yeah. It's a nickname. Real name's Pamela.
Dirty Grandpa
1m12s
One, two, three... - Hello? - Where the fuck have you been? Uh... we got to Grandpa's a little bit later than we thought last night, and my phone charger wasn't working. Well, you know we missed the deadline for our wedding announcement to be in the Times. Where are you? Are you close? Um... Listen, Grandpa got really upset last night. So I'm just getting a little bit of a late jump here. I want to show you the bouquets for the bridesmaids. So switch to FaceTime, okay? Shit! Baby, the reception at Grandpa's isn't very good... - Jason, just fucking do it! - Okay, one second. Switching over. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Is that sand on your face? It's just sawdust because I was helping Grandpa in the garage, so... I naturally got the dust of the saw on the face. - Hi, honey. - Jason. - Mom? Dad? - Is that writing on your face? Oh! I was working on my vows late last night and... Hmm... And I fell asleep and I got some pen on my face, so... Yeah, that must be the exact thing that happened. Yeah, Meredith called us because she hadn't heard from you all night. We got the rabbi here to work on the vows.
Dirty Grandpa
48.7s
I don't like that one as much as the swastika full of dicks. Okay, let's discuss the wedding vows. Jason, why don't you begin by telling us all what it is you like about Meredith. Yeah, where do I start? She's... - Hello. - Uh... - Hello, buzzy bee. - What? If you can't think of anything, lean into them looks, dawg. Can I touch buzzy bee? I've loved her for... No, you can't touch buzzy bee! Um... I love the way that she, um... What are you doing? Stop it! Go away! You're getting me in... Fuck, go away! - Your buzzy bee looks so fluffy! - What did he say? - I just don't know where to start. - Let me touch buzzy bee! - You can't have the bee! - What? I want to stroke the bee! You can't stroke the bee! Okay?
Dirty Grandpa
16.8s
1m13s
How are those washed-out pictures you're taking because you still have the lighting optimizer on? They're not... Where is that? Actually, it's really hypersensitive on the new 60D model. So you have to... - Wait. What is that? - Okay, nope. - What are you doing? - Give it back, Malibu Ken. - No... - What? You did it. You turned into one of those people. I turned into one of those people that gives a shit about something? Are you gonna chain yourself to a polar bear? Only if you let me borrow... What is this, a beach sweater? - Yeah. - What, did you just come from skiing? Yeah, I skied in, just to see you save the world. - One Jell-O shot at a time. - High-five! You want me to do your back? Only if you promise to do my front first. Gladly. Oh. Whoops! That never usually happens. Really? It happens to me all the time. Well, guess who just took a shit in the water? We've been looking for you bitches all day. - Where the fuck have you been? - Uh, our car broke down in Orlando. Do you ever look at your cell phone? Awesome. Who are these cunt punches? These are our friends that we met on the way down. - Yeah. - That's Cody and Brah. They're on the lacrosse team at Florida. - This guy plays lacrosse? - All-conference, brah! Yeah? Which one, the fucking Diabetes Conference?
Dirty Grandpa