Found 289 results
30.4s
- Hey, there he is. - No. Don't even fucking talk to me. I know things got a little chaotic, but I'm so close with Lenore... What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm about to get fucking married, Grandpa! In one week! To a Jewish girl! And I just woke up in fucking jail with a bunch of penises on my forehead in the shape of a swastika! Could call it a swasticock. - What? - It's a play on words. Oh, it's a play on words.
Dirty Grandpa
1m27s
Could I have some pants? Please... Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry. Of course. Yeah, absolutely. You want khakis or sweatpants? - Khakis, please. - What brand? You like Dockers? - Yeah. - Yeah, okay. All right. You're like a 30... Yeah, 30 is fine. What I wouldn't give to fit in a 30. Maybe 20 years ago, you know? When I was seven years old. Yeah... all right. Also I'm gonna step out and get some lunch. Do you want a sandwich? I would love a sandwich. - Ham? Turkey? - Turkey? Turkey. That's so funny, because I'm a turkey guy myself. - You know. - Thank you so much. Okay, absolutely. You want mayo on that? - Uh, no thank you, no. - Okay. - Extra veggies. - Extra veggies? - Yes, please. - You got it. Absolutely. - And... - Salt and vinegar. - You want salt and vinegar as well? - Yeah, thank you. You gotta watch that sodium. That's what drives your blood pressure up, and blood pressure is a silent killer. All right, turkey, okay... all right. Yeah. And, uh, finally, do you want to be sodomized by a man with the mental age of seven who calls himself Ping-Pong, or do you want to be shivved by, uh, the same guy? Just let me know what time works for you, 'cause you're in fucking jail.
Dirty Grandpa
30.7s
And, hey, everybody, don't forget to stop by Tam Pam Surf Slam in town where I'm selling "beach towels" for 50 bucks an ounce. "Sun screen" for 10 bucks a dime bag. And I'm also selling meth! Oh! Just got married! Your move, Viagra Falls. Crowd going wild for team Top Gun! Grandpa, I got this. Watch! Most muscular, on three. One, two, three.
Dirty Grandpa
28.8s
I'm sorry I made fun of you for being gay! Tell him you were raised in a different era, but now you know it's wrong to judge people based on their sexual orientation and that if you had to be gay with someone for some reason, you know, to prevent a terrorist attack or something, it would be with him. What? Ow! Say it. If I had to be gay with somebody to prevent a terrorist attack, it would be you!
Dirty Grandpa
39.7s
- What? - I have to fuck that girl, Jason. - Jesus, Grandpa! - I do. I have to fuck her. Grandpa, you're just depressed. You're confused right now because of Grandma. Grandma wanted me to do this. - What? - Yeah. She said when she died, she wanted me to move on and live my life the way I wanted to, and right now, you know what I want to do? I want to get my dick sucked by that fucking college girl! What is that going to do for you? Is that going to make you feel young again? - Yeah! Yeah, what's wrong with that? - Yeah? Feeling young again? What do I have? A dead wife, dying friends. A few fucking good years left if I'm lucky. And you know what? It fucking freaks me out! Yeah.
Dirty Grandpa