Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian. What?
The Change-Up
12s
He's early. Yeah, you'd be early, too, if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate. What's hummus? That is a Mediterranean spread, honey. What's master-ate? It's a cracker.
The Change-Up
1.2s
Not really.
The Change-Up
3.7s
Okay. Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.
The Change-Up
1.3s
But a Double Windsor?
The Change-Up
2.4s
Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually?
The Change-Up
11.8s
Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills. - Our social studies teacher? - Yeah. I asked her out and she wouldn't go out with me, which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school. - You did? - I dated her mouth for a full semester.
The Change-Up
2.3s
- Yeah, I guess. - Good.
The Change-Up
26s
Hey, Mitch. Your hair looks good. Thanks. Yeah, I had to cut it for a fucking tampon commercial. Uncle Mitch! How's my favorite ballerina doing? - Hi, Uncle Mitch. - Hi! Gosh, you're so light. Are you dieting? Do you want to come to my dance recital? No, honey. The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes involves a big, shiny pole, and a broken woman with daddy issues.
The Change-Up
8.1s
Vegetable medley! - How are you? - Good. - You're good? - Yeah. Are you dating anyone? - You know who I ran into? - Who?
The Change-Up
1.2s
Thank you.
The Change-Up
11s
Honey... Don't even say that. I'm so sorry. I suck. Dr. Tillman said just once a week, for one hour. I'm sorry.
The Change-Up
18.3s
That was three months ago. I know. I heard her. And I want to sit and talk with you for an hour more than once a week, but tonight, I cannot. Why? What are you doing? I promised Mitch I would sit and watch a game with him tonight, and... What? Can we please just slide the Dialogue Night again? I'm so sorry.
