Found 289 results
22.2s
Hey, hey! Come on! What the hell! Hey, guy, unless you want a Chipwich or some heroin, get off my ice cream truck! Who the fuck is this slob? Slob? I am a small business owner! I am the backbone of this country! I am holding a Taser! - Whoa! Shit! - Dude, should I stop? - What are you... - I'm kind of in the middle of it right here. Shit! All right.
Dirty Grandpa
25.3s
Uh-oh! Has the old man fallen? Or is it... One-armed motherfucking push-ups! Holy shit! Lesbian daughter's getting in on the action! I happen to know he smoked crack last night! These push-ups are fueled by the devil's candy! Unbelievable! Your move, Dolly Parton. What are you gonna do now, team Top Gun?
Dirty Grandpa
19.5s
I kind of feel like we're just getting in your way. - Yeah? - I'm sure there's something... What the fuck? Did you just get naked? - It's the best way to sleep. - Oh, my God! I picked it up in Uganda from the Umbatdo. Umbat-don't let your junk touch my leg again or you're sleeping on the floor.
Dirty Grandpa
1m20s
All right, our team won! Let's celebrate by buying local drugs from a reputable, local drug dealer. Hey, what are you doing here? I'm selling drugs, man. I'm trying to put my kid through preschool. How honest is that! Touching my face a lot, bro. Touching my face a whole lot, man. Why don't you take some of this. This'Il mellow you out. - What is it? - E-cig, bro. "E" is for "Weed"! Sure, why not? Yeah, ooh, that's a big... That's a big one. Oh! Whoo! Just be glad you didn't smoke this, man. This is crack! - What? - Oh, yeah! This one... Oh, wait a minute... Maybe that one's crack and this one's weed. Hang on. What'd you do now, Pam? Fuck. Hold on. Which one's crack? Okay. I got this. Don't freak out. Sorry to worry you, man. You're not gonna believe this. - They're both crack. - What? And you have taken an amount that will probably kill you in about 30 minutes. - I just smoked crack? - Yeah. But just, like, a lot. I just smoked crack.
Dirty Grandpa
1m21s
Jason and I are doing a story on the Middle East. He's a photographer for Time magazine. You know, I lost my virginity at my pop-pop's bingo night. My name's Lenore. Ah! "The rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore" Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'" - Diplomaticos, huh? - Hey, you know your cigars. What are you, half Cuban or something? Actually, I am, professor. - The bottom half. - Okay. Okay, yeah, we're heading out. - Yeah. - Good to see you. We're going to Daytona Beach for the week. Oh, my God, and we should have been there three fucking hours ago... ...so let's go, bitches! - Holy shit. - What? Nothing. You're just really gay. Oh, am I? Thanks, Captain Gaydar. Jesus! You know, I'm also black, right? Yeah, I know. That's funny too. So you guys wanna tag along for a bit maybe? Party some babies into us? - Absolutely not! - Absolutely not! - Why? - We have a very important tee time. Of course you do. And do you also have to take a nap before you play Mahjong? - No, it's shuffleboard. - Shuffleboard. And then early dinner at 4:00. We have a long-standing bet. Who's the better golfer. Obviously I've got the bigger 3-wood... Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina. - Holy shit! - Okay, we're going inside now. - Jesus! - Let's go. That's enough. - Bye, professor. - Thanks for lunch. Peace!
Dirty Grandpa