Found 289 results
21.3s
36.6s
Oh, my God, you should see your faces! I just went out to grab lunch and a new horse mask. I left mine at the beach the other day. Whoo! I thought you were gonna shit your pants, little guy. - Gun's real though. - What the fuck, man! Relax, this is Florida. Everything's a licensed gun range. You just shot through a wall, man! - Hey... - There's pedestrians outside! Yeah, again, it's Florida! These people don't matter. - What? - So? Welcome to Tam Pam Surf Slam. What can I do for you gentlemen? I'm Pam. - You're Pam? - Yeah. It's a nickname. Real name's Pamela.
Dirty Grandpa
21.7s
- What's Pam's Kids? - It's my kids. I got four kids by six different women. I know, the numbers don't add up. Most of 'em are pretty developmentally disabled. One of 'em you gotta push around in a weird chair. Heyo! Now that is the generosity of the human spirit, and I appreciate that. Some of this money's gonna feed my kids, some of it's gonna get me a blowjob by a toothless whore behind a Dumpster down at the McDonald's.
Dirty Grandpa
1m13s
How are those washed-out pictures you're taking because you still have the lighting optimizer on? They're not... Where is that? Actually, it's really hypersensitive on the new 60D model. So you have to... - Wait. What is that? - Okay, nope. - What are you doing? - Give it back, Malibu Ken. - No... - What? You did it. You turned into one of those people. I turned into one of those people that gives a shit about something? Are you gonna chain yourself to a polar bear? Only if you let me borrow... What is this, a beach sweater? - Yeah. - What, did you just come from skiing? Yeah, I skied in, just to see you save the world. - One Jell-O shot at a time. - High-five! You want me to do your back? Only if you promise to do my front first. Gladly. Oh. Whoops! That never usually happens. Really? It happens to me all the time. Well, guess who just took a shit in the water? We've been looking for you bitches all day. - Where the fuck have you been? - Uh, our car broke down in Orlando. Do you ever look at your cell phone? Awesome. Who are these cunt punches? These are our friends that we met on the way down. - Yeah. - That's Cody and Brah. They're on the lacrosse team at Florida. - This guy plays lacrosse? - All-conference, brah! Yeah? Which one, the fucking Diabetes Conference?
Dirty Grandpa
27.1s
Have you been reading shit off the shot glasses and the shirts in here and just saying it like it's wisdom? I was seriously trying to talk to you, man. Do you realize the stakes here? - You're ridiculous! - Smile. You've had a phone this entire fucking time? What else don't I know about you? How the hell do you know how to speak Arabic? Dad's never said anything about that. That's because your dad doesn't really know much about me. I was away with the army during most of his childhood. - So we were never that close. - Is that why he doesn't like you?
Dirty Grandpa
29.3s
Okay, cool. You're not cops. In which case, welcome to drugs! - Oh, my God. - Now, I'm pretty cool, so I only sell the stuff that occurs naturally. So I got weed, I got mushrooms, I got meth. - Meth? - Yeah. How is that natural? Well, it occurs naturally in my cousin's basement in Baltimore, if you know what I mean. Okay, fine, drugs aren't your thing. Got it. Message received. In which case, listen, we got a great local charity here. Pam's Kids.
Dirty Grandpa
27.2s
- Go Hornets! - Go Hornets, yeah... Hey, you know, one in three of these girls has herpes. Even if you can't see it. Oh, Jesus. Nut the fuck up. It's just a college party, you nance. Chill! Hey, here they are. I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want some of dat drank? Some of dat purple drank? Some of dat purple-ass muthafuckin' pimp-dick drank? Who the fuck are you?
Dirty Grandpa
1m19s
He just keeps walking by yelling weird shit, I don't know why... Okay, well, what restaurant are you at? - I can barely even hear you now. - We're at Chuck E. Cheese's... Daytona fucking Beach! Daytona fucking Beach! You're right, buddy! - You're in Daytona Beach? - Uh... Listen, we're just driving through Daytona Beach. - We're en route to Grandpa's... - Jason! I don't know why you're there, but you'd better call me from your grandfather's house - when you get there tonight, okay? - Of course, baby. I love you so much... - Fuck! - Marriage is hard. What'd the hot college girls text back? Grandpa, what are you texting them? - I just texted them. - What are you texting them? "We'll meet you on the beach." Yeah, and I added the emoji with the wink and the tongue out. I'm not kidding, Grandpa. You realize that if I don't call her from your house in Boca tonight, I'm fucked, man, I'm fucked. Jesus. Sounds like you're marrying your fucking parole officer. It's just Meredith. It's the way she is, man. She just gets, like, anxious when she doesn't know exactly where I am. Don't panic. It's organic. Yeah, I know. Couples get in fights all the time. But it's different with Meredith. She takes it to another level, man, and I'm telling you, if I don't call her from your house in Boca, I'm screwed. Well, ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah, I know. Clearly. Which is why I don't understand how we got so far off schedule. Oh... Sometimes life is just a fart zone, and you enter at your own risk.
Dirty Grandpa
1m12s
One, two, three... - Hello? - Where the fuck have you been? Uh... we got to Grandpa's a little bit later than we thought last night, and my phone charger wasn't working. Well, you know we missed the deadline for our wedding announcement to be in the Times. Where are you? Are you close? Um... Listen, Grandpa got really upset last night. So I'm just getting a little bit of a late jump here. I want to show you the bouquets for the bridesmaids. So switch to FaceTime, okay? Shit! Baby, the reception at Grandpa's isn't very good... - Jason, just fucking do it! - Okay, one second. Switching over. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Is that sand on your face? It's just sawdust because I was helping Grandpa in the garage, so... I naturally got the dust of the saw on the face. - Hi, honey. - Jason. - Mom? Dad? - Is that writing on your face? Oh! I was working on my vows late last night and... Hmm... And I fell asleep and I got some pen on my face, so... Yeah, that must be the exact thing that happened. Yeah, Meredith called us because she hadn't heard from you all night. We got the rabbi here to work on the vows.
Dirty Grandpa