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4.3s

I mean, we played cricket, which is just a spicier version of baseball.

The Big Sick

28.8s

You don't want to get stuck in Chicago, right? You don't want to end up like Sam Highsmith, who's been doing the "People say Sam" bit since '03. - SAM: I don't like kids. - [ Audience laughs ] - People say, "Sam..." - See? - Is that what you want? - It's like... Is that what you want for your life? It's amazing. And it's the same material. - SAM: What do people say? - AUDIENCE: Sam. - SAM: People say what? - AUDIENCE: Sam. I'm Sam Highsmith. Thank you very much. You know what, I'm gonna tell him... - He's a hack. - ...how I feel about it. - Fucking tell him. - Never writes anything new. - I'm gonna tell him... - It's fucking bullshit. - Great set, dude. - I'm feeling it, bro. - Killing me, man. - Crushing. Love the new stuff.

The Big Sick

27.4s

So, uh, thank you, guys... There's no bad crowds, dude, only bad comedians. You complain about the crowd, like, all the time. Yeah, like, that's when they're really bad. That's, like, 90% of the time they're really bad. Look, will you just watch and give me notes tonight? All right? If we both give each other notes, I think it helps. Your notes are just, "Add more fucks into the bit." - That doesn't help anybody. - Hey, fuck's a funny word. It's soft on the top, and it's hard on the end. That was truly horrible. - That was so bad. - What happened? - Just watch. - I'll watch, give you notes. - All right. Thank you. - Hey, that was great. No, he didn't even crack a smile. - I thought I was gonna puke. - Who?

The Big Sick

1.3s

Bob Dalavan.

The Big Sick

2s

- [ Applause continues ] - [ Cheering continues ]

The Big Sick

9.7s

Multigrain, pumpernickel, pita bread, hot dog bun, croutons. I can't eat any of it.

The Big Sick

1.1s

[ Door slams ]

The Big Sick

29.2s

♪ Somethin's wrong 'cause my mind is fading ♪ ♪ And everywhere I look there's a dead end waiting ♪ ♪ Temperature's dropping at the rotten oasis ♪ ♪ Stealing kisses from the leprous faces ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind... ♪

The Big Sick

8.1s

You put out chairs, you do five minutes. - You know the deal. - Come on, man. I'll double it up next time. Come on. What are you gonna do in there? I'm making up next week's schedule. Okay, cool.

The Big Sick

5.7s

WOMAN: I wouldn't call it an obsession, but I'm pretty good at magic. - [ All exclaim ] - Yeah.

The Big Sick

14.5s

So, these are my real journals, honestly. And this is the woman who wrote them. - Poor gal. - [ Audience laughs ] Yeah. She-- She has no idea that, like, giant titties are about to sprout and change her life dramatically.

The Big Sick

2.5s

We should be ashamed of ourselves. We're weak. We're weak.

The Big Sick

7.9s

Who's Bob Dalavan? Bob Dalavan works for the Montreal Comedy Festival, you fucking doof. - He's here? - CJ: Yes. Don't you want to get noticed?

The Big Sick

2.4s

- Twenty? Big spender. - [ Laughs ]

The Big Sick

19s

SAM: I don't want kids. People say, "Sam, you're gonna love it. "This kid... You're gonna have a kid, "he's gonna be your best friend." A best friend that... that pukes on you and shits everywhere and is constantly screaming. I already have friends like that. - [ Audience laughs ] - People say, "Sam..." I know you're bummed, all right, but, like...

The Big Sick

9.1s

And we prayed a lot. Well, not a lot. Just five times a day. [ Audience laughs ] And we marry someone our parents find for us, arranged marriage, you know?

The Big Sick

4.6s

DODD: Keep it going for the next performer, my man, Mr. Kumail Nanjiani.

The Big Sick

13.4s

But, for me, it was probably that we got episodes of Knight Rider a little bit later. And by "little bit later, " I mean, we just got episode two. [ Audience laughs ] But other than that, it was exactly the same. [ "Devils Haircut" by Beck playing ]

The Big Sick

Found 1595 results

I mean, we played cricket, which is just a spicier version of baseball.

Bob Dalavan.

- [ Applause continues ] - [ Cheering continues ]

Multigrain, pumpernickel, pita bread, hot dog bun, croutons. I can't eat any of it.

[ Door slams ]

You put out chairs, you do five minutes. - You know the deal. - Come on, man. I'll double it up next time. Come on. What are you gonna do in there? I'm making up next week's schedule. Okay, cool.

WOMAN: I wouldn't call it an obsession, but I'm pretty good at magic. - [ All exclaim ] - Yeah.

So, these are my real journals, honestly. And this is the woman who wrote them. - Poor gal. - [ Audience laughs ] Yeah. She-- She has no idea that, like, giant titties are about to sprout and change her life dramatically.

We should be ashamed of ourselves. We're weak. We're weak.

Who's Bob Dalavan? Bob Dalavan works for the Montreal Comedy Festival, you fucking doof. - He's here? - CJ: Yes. Don't you want to get noticed?

- Twenty? Big spender. - [ Laughs ]

And we prayed a lot. Well, not a lot. Just five times a day. [ Audience laughs ] And we marry someone our parents find for us, arranged marriage, you know?

DODD: Keep it going for the next performer, my man, Mr. Kumail Nanjiani.

But, for me, it was probably that we got episodes of Knight Rider a little bit later. And by "little bit later, " I mean, we just got episode two. [ Audience laughs ] But other than that, it was exactly the same. [ "Devils Haircut" by Beck playing ]