Johnny, please, just help me do this. Okay? He's the only guy in the world whose sperm is even close to Flash Gordon's. Ted, it's insane. We could get in a lot of trouble. But not if nobody finds out. Look, look, John, John. We sneak into his house, jerk him off in his sleep and sneak out with the sperm. It'll be easy!
Ted 2
2s
And think how awesome the baby will be.
Ted 2
18.8s
You want Flash Gordon to father your child? Yeah, I mean, do you think... Would that be weird? Would he be freaked out if I... No, I think he'd be flattered! And plus, your baby will be a fucking superhero! Well, that was the logic I arrived at as well. Yeah, I say do it! All right. I'll shoot him an e-mail right now, and see if I can stop by tonight. You come with me? Sure. All right, great.
Ted 2
2.3s
You just can't help but sing along.
Ted 2
3s
Johnny. Johnny, wake up!
Ted 2
1.4s
Get off me!
Ted 2
1.2s
Johnny, wake up!
Ted 2
5.6s
The state official I spoke to said that technically, you are classified as property.
Ted 2
2s
I'll see you in heaven, Ted.
Ted 2
1.4s
Oh, shit!
Ted 2
15.6s
No, I'm sorry! I thought I'd built a better case. It's just... The reality is you have a really shitty lawyer. Hey, come on. Nobody's blaming you for this. You did everything you could. (SIGHS) I... I'm sitting here and I... I can't believe it's official.
Ted 2
2s
Ted. Right, right. Sorry, sorry.
Ted 2
7.9s
Hashtag "Grr, Mondays." (GASPS) 0h, my God! Look, I'm so sorry! We swear to God, it was an accident. We're so sorry.
Ted 2
4.6s
Oh, so what are we gonna do now? I mean, we can't take this lying down, right? We got to do something.
Ted 2
1.5s
And I have.
Ted 2
3.7s
What if I gave you a hand job outside your pants while you ate an ice cream?
Ted 2
8.6s
Hey, 2O bucks I can toss a Cookie Crisp into his ass crack. Wait, let me try. I used to pitch for the softball team at Arizona State. Oh, yeah? Was your mascot a broken condom?
