You're going down, old man. Nobody chugs like me. I bet. You've been chugging Brah's cum for years.
Dirty Grandpa
1m50s
Anyway, I'm down in Valdosta right now. I opened up a fucking pet shop... - Not pet shop, "puppy mill." - Puppy mill... You know, designer dogs get a bad name, but they can go for quite a pretty penny. - Really? - It's just hard to get them to mate. - Oh. - Because the little dogs, they don't wanna fuck the big dogs, and the big dogs, they don't wanna fuck the little dogs... So I gotta manually do it, you know. I gotta spread and manually shoot in. - Uh-huh. - So, what's up with you? - Well, I'm keeping pretty busy... - Cool. - Hey, Diane, how's it going? - Hi, Nick. - Hey, Nick. - I just don't understand why you have to drive down to Florida tomorrow already, Dad! We just had the funeral. Your grandmother and I were there at this time every year. It's what she would have wanted. I'd drive down myself, except they took my license away. But why does Jason have to be the one to drive you? He's so busy at work... Got the wedding coming up next weekend, the rehearsal brunch. You know, the entire law firm is coming to this. - It's true, Grandpa. - Jason... We have a lot of stuff, Meredith and l... I'll handle it. Go ahead. How about Cousin Nick? Huh, Dad? Why doesn't Nick do it? We got this chocolate lab down at the store that is just so horny, every time I touch the back of its ear, it just gushes cum. - Uh, okay. - I mean, like a squirting... Is that your dog? Nick isn't legally allowed to leave the state of Georgia anymore. I've barely seen this guy since high school. What's wrong with spending some time with him? Oh, so spending time with family is suddenly important to you now? Look, he can come here tomorrow morning for breakfast. We can drive down to Boca during the day, maybe play a round of golf or two, then he'd be back here in Atlanta the next day. He can't just flake off for two days! The risk versus reward here is just... I don't see it happening. It's what she would have wanted, that's all. But if you have to get ready for your wedding, if you're that busy...
Dirty Grandpa
3.2s
Let's have Jason and Meredith tell their own story.
Dirty Grandpa
1.9s
Who are you?
Dirty Grandpa
10.6s
This ain't over. Ooh! Oh! Now fuck off and take Jodeci with you. Let's roll.
Dirty Grandpa
2s
Now you're a shitty grandfather.
Dirty Grandpa
2.6s
I feel fucking stupid enough as it is.
Dirty Grandpa
1.8s
What the fuck?
Dirty Grandpa
3s
So, do you like this size, or this size?
Dirty Grandpa
4.7s
I don't want to see you at my wedding. Stay the fuck away from me.
Dirty Grandpa
34.5s
- Shadia! - Jason? Stop the bus! I need to talk to you! What are you doing here - in an ice cream truck? - Stop the bus! - Okay! - Pull over! I'm not pulling over! Thanks a lot, Pam! You narc! What! I'm not a narc, Barry! Fuck you! Pam, you know him? Barry? Yeah, he's, like, my best friend. I sold him, like, six tons of ecstasy... Oh! That's why they're not stopping the bus. It's full of drugs. Classic Pam. - I know that man. - Stop the bus! - Jason, where are you going? - What are you doing?
Dirty Grandpa
10s
Hitting it won't work. If they caught it from the PA... Band? What the fuck? Nick, can you tell her something for me? Can you tell her that, uh...
Dirty Grandpa
6.7s
- T ake it off! - Trying, dear. Trying. - Leave them on. - Shut it down. I have something to say.
Dirty Grandpa
7.5s
It's going to be a special day. "...now choose life, so that you and your children shall live."
Dirty Grandpa
15.9s
I think I've been listening to everybody else about what I should be doing with my life. My grandpa said something really interesting. All right, cut the mics. I'm going up. ...take that punch, that point forward, things get easier.