I am an award-winning news producer. Award-winning producer. I am an award-winning news producer. I am an award-winning news producer. You're an award-winning news producer. - You don't knock? - Well, I did knock. You didn't answer. So essentially, your knock was negated by your complete lack of adherence... ...to the social etiquette that follows a knock.
The Ugly Truth
18.8s
- This is beautiful. - Now, we're at the balloon festival... ...and I'm supposed to be telling you about how men are full of hot air. But I think we all know, it's the ladies that are full of crap. Just because she says no, doesn't mean she means no. If that were the case, I'd have only 90 women...
The Ugly Truth
44.6s
- Hey. - Woman would have us believe... ...that they are the victims. That we break their hearts for sport. - I thought he quit. - That's crap. See? I told you we'd get him back. They say they want true love, but all they want is a checklist. Is he perfect? Is he handsome? Is he a doctor? For you men who fit the criteria... ... don't kid yourselves, they're not sleeping with you. They're sleeping with a carefully calculated set of venal choices. Money over substance, looks over soul. Polish over principles. No gesture, no matter how real or romantic... ...will ever compensate for a really impressive list of credentials. This coming from a man who's never made a gesture... ...other than this one.
The Ugly Truth
58.6s
Billions and billions wasted on psychobabble bullshit. Now, listen up, ladies, because I'm only gonna say this once... ...and it is just three little words: Men are simple. We cannot be trained. All this, "men are from Venus" crap is a waste of your time and money. You wanna be a lonely hag, then that's fine... ... keep reading these stupid books. But you want a relationship, then here's how you get one: It's called a Stairmaster. Get on it, and get skinny... ... and get some trashy lingerie while you're at it... ...because at the end of the day, all we're interested in is looks. And no one falls in love with your personality at first sight. We fall in love with your tits and your ass... ...and we stick around because of what you're willing to do with them. So you wanna win a man over, you don't need 10 steps... ...you need one, and it's called a blowjob.
The Ugly Truth
4.4s
- Okay. All right. - What the hell? Did she...?
The Ugly Truth
57.3s
Oh, I know. I got a great idea. Why don't we pass the time with you telling me... ...how much fun you and Colin had having sex in Los Angeles? I broke up with Colin in Los Angeles, you jackass. On our left, you'll see the High Sierras... - What? - Oh, yeah. That's got your interest. If you think we're gonna finish what we started... ...you're out of your mind. You lost your chance. Oh, come on. I never had a chance with you. And to our right here, you'll see the lovely Sacramento River... ...winding its way through the dichromatic landscape. Could you please stop talking? Thank you. You're right. I had a momentary lapse in judgment... ...when I thought you were more than you are, but you aren't. Oh, yeah? Well, what does that mean? "I'm Mike Chadway. I like girls in Jell-O. I like to fuck like a monkey. Don't fall in love, it's scary." Oh, for God's sakes, there's the first one. Yeah, it is scary. It's terrifying. Especially when I'm in love with a psycho like you. I am not a psycho. Love?
The Ugly Truth
2s
Is it dorky if I say yes?
The Ugly Truth
1.9s
I need some emergency advice.
The Ugly Truth
4.7s
...any better than Larry. You just have to let him be a man.
The Ugly Truth
19.6s
...but I'm the only one he's got. And I don't wanna half-ass it all the way from San Francisco. Well, I think that's a very good decision. Thank you. Now, can we stop talking about work... ...and maybe relax and drink, enjoy? God.
The Ugly Truth
5.6s
- Fine. What do I do? - Pick up and say, "Hey, Doug." - Why would I...? - Just do it.
The Ugly Truth
28.1s
What the hell happened to you? And you, Georgia. I mean, this one's no dumb bunny. The only way she was getting off the weekend shift... ...was by hooking up with you. Then, lo and behold, she became more popular than you did. Ended up with twice your salary. - Camera 2, two-shot. - Come on, Larry, take him down. Hold on, pal. I am very proud of my wife's success. Baloney, you are. You hate her success. You feel emasculated by her. And that screws with your head.
The Ugly Truth
19.9s
Oh, come on. He's got a point of view. We don't have to like it. I mean, we're newspeople. We're objective. Stone Phillips interviews terrorists. Doesn't mean he likes them, he does it for ratings. I have a list of ideas to improve ratings. - You'll like it. We don't need him. - Not at all. - "An intimate profile of the mayor." - I like that. - I like the mayor. - Fantastic.
The Ugly Truth
4.8s
- Okay. So guess what. - What? Colin called, he wants to get together again.
The Ugly Truth
10.5s
I'm here whenever you need me. I'm gonna put my home number on the back of my business card. If your ankle starts giving you any problems, give me a call. Great. Thanks.
The Ugly Truth
5.2s
Had to stick his finger up some guy's butt in medical school. You disgust me.
The Ugly Truth
19.4s
Actually, it's Late Late. It's two "lates." And since he became the hottest personality on morning TV. - Have you seen this guy's ratings? - Yes. Yes, I have. Yeah, okay. Anyways, you leave tonight. - Okay. - It's all set. - How cool is this? - Come on, let's go. Oh, my God!
The Ugly Truth
10.7s
Coming up, we're gonna visit the aquarium... ...and see how Penny the Porpoise is. Can she clear that 10-foot pole... ...with a ball on her nose? When we come back. When we come back.