Okay, let's go. What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Michelle, Michelle.
American Pie
52.7s
- Guess what? - Not interested. Kevin. Come on, man. The bus to Stifler's is gonna be here soon. - I'm not going. - What? Why not? Look, things didn't really turn out how I wanted them to. I mean, I don't even know what I'm doin'. I-I'm acting like I've got everything together tonight. I know that Vicky's gonna ask me if I love her, and... I don't know what I'm gonna say. I mean, I'm on the brink. I'm just about to do it. I should be psyched. I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe I am just scared. Come on, Kev. Tonight is the night. We-We are finally going to a post-prom party on the lake. We have been waiting for this for four years. Why else have we been friends with Stifler all this time, right?
American Pie
2.1s
Yeah.
American Pie
4.1s
What's this door locked... Mom, where's...
American Pie
2.1s
Oh, God.
American Pie
2.3s
Well, safer than a tube sock.
American Pie
5.2s
Not bad, Chris. Really?
American Pie
4.2s
- No! No. No. - Please, God. What's going on?
American Pie
2.1s
That was a great night, huh?
American Pie
26.3s
- Let me know. - Okay. Keep going. I should be able to talk to girls. I'm articulate. You know, I got a 720 on my S.A.T. Verbal. Bullshit. There's no way. I kid you not, man. Look. Listen. Copious. Verisimilitude. Oh, ohh. Now.
American Pie
5s
Exactly. - Okay, Albert. You ready? - No problemo.
American Pie
23s
Of course, I have no basis for comparison, but, uh, it was good. So you almost made it, huh, Oz? - I'll just say that we had a great night together. - Hang in there, buddy. - You'll get there. - You know, guys, I think we're falling in love. Wha... That's great, man. That's awesome.
American Pie
10.4s
Suck me, beautiful! - Damn it, Stifler. - Checkout time! - Please, vacate the room. - You are such a jerk.
American Pie
14s
If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed. Sherman? The Shermanator? Come on, man.
American Pie
7.8s
You're Stifler's mom. Uh... No, no, not lost. Just, um, you know, taking the tour.
American Pie
5.4s
Okay. I'm glad you came by. So you work nights?
American Pie
2m46s
- We're gonna do this. - All right, to the next step! - Next step! Next step! Next step! # I have visions I was in them I was lookin' into the mirror # # To see a little bit clearer # # The rottenness and evil in me # # Fingertips have memories I can't forget the curves of your body # # And when I feel a bit naughty # # I run it up the flagpole and see # # Who salutes but no one ever does # # I'm not sick but I'm not well # # I'm not sick but I'm not well # # And I'm so hot # # 'Cause I'm in hell # # Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding # # The cretins cloning and feeding # - Well, did you get the flowers? - # And I don't even own a TV # # Hear the voices in my head I swear to God # # It sounds like they're snoring # # But if you're poor and you're boring # # The agony and the irony # # They're killing me # # I'm not sick but I'm not well # # And I'm so hot # # 'Cause I'm in hell ## Don't worry. You'll get her back soon enough. - You think so? - Sure, she likes you. - Well, I like her too. - Do you love her? - Well, I like her too. - Do you love her? Um, you know what? You can't really ask me that. Well, if you want to get her in the sack, I mean, just tell her you love her. - That's how I was duped. - Look, Jessica, I- I don't want to dupe her. All right. What you need to do... is learn how to press a girl's buttons. You have to give her what she's never had. - What's that? - Let me give you a hint. Ohh, Kev! Uhh. Yeah. - Comprende? - You mean an orgasm. - You got it, stud! - Well, you know, I'm-I'm pretty sure that I've... given her a... - No, you haven't. - Well, there was one time... - No. - Oh, man. - Look, kid, it's up to you. The big "L" or the big "O." - Dickhead! - You gotta see this. - # Do you believe in # - # Magic in a young girl's heart # - # Ooh, ooh # # How the music can free her whenever it starts # # And it's magic if the music is groovy # - # It makes you feel happy # - What did you cocks do to him? - # I'll tell you about the magic It'll free your soul # - # Ooh, ooh, ooh # # But it's like tryin' to tell a stranger 'bout rock 'n' roll ## Great. See you next time.
American Pie
1m35s
Well, this is the... this is the, uh, female form. And they have focused on the breasts, uh, which are used primarily to, uh, feed young infants... - and, uh... and also, uh, in foreplay. - Right. This is, uh... This is Hustler. And this is a much more exotic magazine. Now, they have decided to focus on the, uh, pubic region... - Right. - The whole groin area. Look at the expression on her face. You see that? See what's she's doing? She's kind of looking right into your eyes saying, "Hey, big boy. Hey, how ya doin'?" - You see? - Right. Shaved is a magazine I'm not too familiar with, - but, again, if you flip to the center... Section... Well, you see the detail that, uh, that they go into in this picture here. - Uh-huh. Yeah. - It almost looks like a tropical plant or something... - underwater... thing. - Yeah. Yes. - Do you know what a clitoris is? - Oh, my God. - Well, don't say, "Oh..." - Yes, I know what a clitoris is. Oh, you do. Oh, I see. Yes, you do. I forgot you've been there and back. - You know everything... - I've learned about it in Sex Ed... - I really don't need you to talk about clitoris. - I'm trying to make this painless... - You know what? I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. - No-no-no. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got hot there. Well, you know what I'm going to do, Jim. I'm going to just leave these books here... for you to, uh, peruse at your, uh... at your leisure.