You mean East Lansing and Ann Arbor? Yeah. What are you talkin' about? I can't go to the prom with you. I'm holding out for someone else. You gotta be fuckin' kidding me. I know it's a long shot, but I figure Paul Finch might ask me. Finch. Shit-brick. Oh, gosh. I-I forgot. You look okay. I-I mean, the scars healed really well. - Hey, Stifler. - Eat shit.
American Pie
7.9s
That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor. - The good stuff. - All right.
American Pie
54.6s
# Midnight at the oasis # # Send your camel to bed # # Shadows painting our faces # # Traces # # Of romance in our heads # # Heaven's holding a half-moon # # Shining just for us # # Let's slip off to a sand dune # # Real soon # # And kick up a little dust # # Come on Cactus is our friend # # He'll point out the way # You know, at band camp we have dances like this, only they're way funner.
American Pie
15.7s
Oh, wait. I left my beer downstairs. No. No. Here, babe! Thanks. You're really beautiful. Oh... - Really? - Oh, yeah.
American Pie
27.2s
You actually said that? Shut up! You did a hell of a lot better than I did with Nadia. Oh, thanks, Jim, that's great. That's really reassuring. Hey, no problem, 'Nova. Hey, don't call me 'Nova anymore. I'm a... I'm a fraud. You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. "Suck me, beautiful"!
American Pie
2.7s
What's wrong? What is it?
American Pie
1m3s
So, what's your major? Post-modern feminist thought. Oh, cool. Great night, isn't it? Sure. Yeah, it's just somethin' about the springtime that's just cool, you know? Like the smell of fresh rain or somethin'. Suck me, beautiful. What did you just say? Suck me, beautiful. My friends call me "'Nova," as in Casanova. That's pathetic. Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me. Well, there's just some things you need to learn, that's all. - Like what? - Well, you've got to tone it down. You don't need to come to a place like Lookout Point... and spout off cheeseball lines to be romantic. - Okay. - You have to pay attention to a girl. Be sensitive to her feelings. Relationships are reciprocal. Come on, Casanova. I'll take you back to your friends.
American Pie
2.7s
She's hot!
American Pie
4.6s
Here you go. That's what you need to do. - That guy's in my trig class. - Oh, no.
American Pie
4.6s
Weird. Try the house down the street.
American Pie
3.2s
I wasn't lying.
American Pie
1m26s
Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing. And I have to admit, uh, you know. I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. - I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud." I never did it with baked goods. But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day. See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game. You see? It's like... It's like... banging a tennis ball against a brick wall. Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game. - Right. No. - It's not a game. What you want is you want a partner to return the ball. - Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner. - You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner. - Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course. Good. So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on... the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back... on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff. You see, Hal is going through a... rite of passage, much like you all are. So make most of the time you've got left together. You'll miss it later. So, does your tongue cramp up? Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though. That's amazing. She's probably gonna want to do it soon.
American Pie
35.2s
You know what? I don't know if I want to be doing this. - Doing what? - You know, like, if we hook up tonight, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. No way! Steve, you could at least look at me when you say that! Look. Sarah, I... I wouldn't go telling stories or anything about you. I promise. So, just... relax, take it slow... and let the good times roll.
American Pie
53.3s
Oh, man! So I was thinking maybe you could give me some advice, brother to brother. I thought you might know a trick or somethin' to make her... - Orgasm? - Yeah. - What's good here? - Try the spicy tuna hand roll. - What? - How do you do that? - Hey, never mind that. Listen, pay attention. Is that all that you're interested in, tryin' to get your girl into bed? No, it'd be good to be able to, you know, return the favor. Be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do. See that? That's good. That's what I wanted to hear. Now, you qualify. - Qualify for what? - My man, you've just inherited the Bible. It originally started as a sex manual, this book that some guys brought back from Amsterdam. And each year it got passed on to one East student who was worthy. Now, it's full of all sorts of stuff that guys have added over the years.
American Pie
8s
Oh. Uh... yeah. I suppose that would be okay. Sure.
American Pie
57.9s
# I needed someone to understand my ups and downs # # There you were # # With sweet love and devotion # # Deeply touching my emotion # # I just wanna stop and thank you, baby ## - Hey, minute man! - Shut up. You know... You know you're supposed to be supportive. Hey, you think you still got a chance with Nadia? No. Her sponsors here saw the thing on the 'Net. I-I really don't think they liked it. How do you know that? She's already on a plane back home. Yeah. You know, guys? Maybe I'm just not good with girls, period. No-no-no, really-really. Like... Like I was born without that part of the brain. I mean, I can't talk to girls. And when I do talk to them, I screw it up. Yeah, well, come prom those excuses aren't going to do you any good.
American Pie
6.2s
Perfect! - Move, James! Move! - Yeah, yeah. Move.
American Pie
28.7s
MILF! MILF! MILF! MILF! Dude, hey, dude. What are you doin' to her, dude? Oh, my God, bro, dude. Enough of this blow job bullshit. - I gotta get laid already. - That's nice. Really, really nice. - Can I have a ride? - Sure. - Vicky, wait. - Not for you. Yeti! I am the Yeti!