- But... - See, that's what I've been realizing... is that... nothing's perfect. And you can't plan everything. Well, I guess... you will be pretty far away.
American Pie
12s
Xenophobic. Oh! - Regurgitation. - I know that one.
American Pie
32.8s
Ow! Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early this time. What makes you think that I would come early? Come on. I saw you on the 'Net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing. Yes, I am. So I said, "This is very obviously a Piero della Francesca."
American Pie
18.1s
- Good morning, gentlemen. - Finch. Where were you last night, huh? What happened to that foolproof plan of yours? Well, I was going for a fashionably-late entrance and I was too late. So, no ladies left. It was a very special night, very special. Guys. Guys.
American Pie
1m19s
Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know? Even if he can't say it, he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's okay, 'cause he's a guy, right? - He's got a dick. He's a guy. - Right. Wait. Is this translation right? "Go home, bird teacher. I've had enough." I don't know. I got it from Kevin. - So, does it hurt? - What? You know... sex. Does it hurt? Yeah. I mean, the first time you do it, you know, it hurts. But then you, you do it again and again and again... It just starts to feel good. Really good. Okay, so say I don't do it. And then I go off to college. I might end up doing it with some random guy... - who totally turns out to be a jerk. - This is true. And I'll wish I would've done it with Kevin. So go do it with Kevin. - You think? - Yeah. You're... You're ready. - You're woman. Look at you. You're ready for sex. - You're right. - I know. - I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have sex. - Now. - And it's gonna be right, and it's gonna be just perfect. - Perfect sex. - Thanks, Jessica. Please. Kevin. Kevin.
American Pie
1m14s
What was that all about? - He's still embarrassed because Finch kicked his ass. - Who told you that? What do you mean, "no comment"? - Did you two hook up or something? - What, are you kidding? No. Then how did all this get started? Well, I guess it's all right for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Cheese, please. Finch comes up to me and says, "Jessica, I need your help with this, blah, blah, etcetera." So I said, "All right. Pay me 200 bucks, and I'll tell a couple of girls that you're dynamite in bed." So he did, and I did. - That actually works? - Well, duh! Of course. Naturally, I embellished a little bit. Did you hear that Finch had an affair with an older woman? No, I didn't hear that one. That one was my favorite. Do that cheerleader. - # Thank you, baby # - She wants me. She calls me up... # How sweet it is to be loved by you ## Oh, my God, you're gay! Sing it with me. You know the words. No, thanks, man. You've been singin' that shit all week. If you try that at M.S.U. This Saturday, I'll kick your ass. Our last game is this Saturday. Yeah, well, shit.
American Pie
25.2s
So what are you gonna major in? State's got a good business school, and I could probably walk-on to the lacrosse team. Well, you've probably got it pretty figured out, then, huh? I mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but... what am I gonna be, a professional lacrosse player? I really have no idea. Thank God. I thought I was the only one. Well, you're not.
American Pie
2.2s
Prom.
American Pie
9.7s
# Do do do do do do do # I just gotta say that women, like a fine wine, only get better with age.
American Pie
3.2s
And we'll be on our own, meeting new people.
American Pie
7.7s
She's gone. Wha... Oh, my God. She used me. I was used.
American Pie
3.6s
I was used. Cool!
American Pie
39.1s
This isn't the best way to proposition me. No, that's... That's not what I mean. W- What I mean is, uh... Look, do you know what made me leave that game? See, Coach, he was givin' us this speech about... not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score... This isn't any better, Chris. No, you see... You see, Heather, what I realized is that... with you, it's... not like I'm running towards a goal... looking for the best way to score. This may sound a little corny, but... I feel like I've already won.
American Pie
8s
We'll tell you on the bus. I'm gonna go inside and grab my bag. My date too, perhaps?
American Pie
2.4s
- Back in a sec. - Jimmy, honey, wh...
American Pie
2.1s
I know.
American Pie
3.4s
What's wrong?
American Pie
7.9s
Okay, let's go. What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Michelle, Michelle.