Dude, if it's like last time, you're gonna have an awesome time, and it's gonna suck for me. No. You're gonna have an awesome time, too, because I'm gonna make sure of it. You took a bullet for me. That's right, I did, and it sucked, but I'd do it again. No way. It's my turn. I owe you a life debt. (SINGSONG) Co-ed bathrooms. What? Oh, shit.
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Carte Blanche with the budget, motherfucker.
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Hey. What's up? 'Sup? Just exhausted from inventing Facebook or whatever website people our age use.
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Hey. How you doing?
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Neither.
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Now, obviously, we've all heard this statement before, I've got a first impression for you. (CLEARS THROAT)
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(WHISPERING) I'm not gonna take a shit the entire time I'm here. I know.
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Covalent bonds.
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You looking for some whyphy? Yeah, man, that'd be sick. Go to the police station, walk in and ask your captain to see the evidence room 'cause you're a fucking narc.
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J. Bohnes, aka... Hey. Hi. I think we're in the same psych class.
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I'm kidding. It's a football. Mr. mcquaid?
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Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills! Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes Amanda Bynes drop that raggedy Andy circus circle jerkus... You guys are the improve guys, right? Yeah. That's cool. You're the guy with the terrible suggestions. Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Um, lady J is gonna be up next for you. Cynthia, that girl who died, she used to come here all the time, right? Mmm. This piece is called areolas. Did you know her? Yeah, she lived across the hall from me. Yeah? So why do you care so much?
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Greedy man hands! ...a slam poem in her honor. Early stages, very early stages. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Wouldn't it be better just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time, and then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself? That's a thing that people do. That's stand-up comedy. That's probably what you should do, because that stuff's funny. My brown nipple will produce white milk during lactation... What do you think of this? I actually think it's really powerful. That's cool that you said that, 'cause I actually thought it was really powerful, too, when the one girl was talking about her nips and shit. (APPLAUSE) Okay, does anybody have anything they want to share? Let's see what you got. Any more poets in the audience? I... I mean, do you really do poetry?