(SIGHS) Look, John loves you very much, more than anything in the world, and he's falling to fucking pieces without you.
Ted
2.6s
Rape! (YELLING)
Ted
1.5s
(ENGINE REVVING)
Ted
1.2s
Who's that over there?
Ted
22.5s
Plus, a hooker took a shit in our apartment. Oh, God! Ah, what? Oh, this is so gross! Don't tell me! I don't want to hear about it! Did you get it? No, I didn't get it! Tell me when you get it! Oh, my God, I got some on my thumb! No! You can never cook with that hand again! Oh, my God! You have to learn to cook left-handed. This is the most disgusting thing ever! Don't! Get it away from me! Look, that was a tough night for all of us.
Ted
23.2s
Oh! Lori, hey, you're home early. What the hell is this? The ladies and I were just watching Jack and Jill. Adam Sandier plays a guy and his sister, and it's just awful. It's unwatchable. But, they're hookers, so it's fine. This place is a wreck. Who are these girls? Oh. Where are my manners? Lori, this is Angelique, Heavenly, Cherene, and Sauvignon Blanc.
Ted
1.2s
(SINGING) Flash!
Ted
1.4s
(LORI CLEARS THROAT)
Ted
1.2s
Sam, let him go.
Ted
24.7s
Look, Johnny, if we're ever going to get serious about opening a restaurant we got to start planning it now. Italian. Italian, yes. What's the special on Tuesdays? Eggplant parm. Chopped salad, half price. And it's a non-restricted place. Yeah. What do you mean? Anybody can come. Of course. Jews are welcome. Well, yeah. Why wouldn't they be? Exactly, that's what I'm saying. Why even bring that up? You don't bring it up, you just let them in. Why mention it? No one will. Why are we talking about it? You're talking about it. I'm just saying, let them in. Let them in. Right. Okay. Exactly. Good. No Mexicans, though.
Ted
3.7s
Did you really just fart? Yeah, but I pushed it that way with my hand.
Ted
18.4s
Hang gm (GASPS)
Ted
1.8s
Okay. You make me happy.
Ted
7.2s
I don't understand. Thirty-five years old and you're still scared of a little thunder. I am not! (EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
Ted
11.5s
I can see that. (SIGHS) Listen, speaking of classy, Ciao Bella is a really expensive restaurant. So, we can go anywhere else tomorrow. I really don't care, as long as we're together.
Ted
3.5s
Flash Gordon. Quarterback, New York Jets.
Ted
9.7s
Hey, Ted. TED: Johnny, where are you? You got to get over here, man. Why, what's going on? Okay, so I'm having a little impromptu thing with some people at my apartment. And, John, Sam Jones is here.
Ted
8.3s
So, if you just give him one more chance I promise I will leave and I'll never come back. All right? He'll be all yours.