Found 2730 results
1m26s
I'm going to veto that poster. It's a touch childish. Okay. What do lambos have to do with touching children? Lambos are lame. I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not... We have to agree. You know what I mean? What up, fellas? We're your across-the-hall neighbors. Oh, hey, there's two of you. You're twins. What's up, man? We're the yangs, man. Kenny Yang. What's up? Keith Yang. What's going on? What's going on? Did you say the yangs? Yeah, dad's Chinese, man. Our mom's not Chinese. She's black. Oh. She's like real black. Like Wesley snipes black. Exactly. We're brothers, too. (BOTH CHUCKLING) No. He's not kidding. He's serious. Oh, really? What? Like, one of y'all older? Mmm-hmm. Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet under your eyes, man. You specifically. We're actually just normal college age. I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man, because, you know, girls here love older dudes. That's true. Plus, there's mad fuckable girls here. Mad fuckable. Especially during spring break. JENKO: I love spring break. But I do have to say, I've fucked a thousand girls by now and I don't know, at the end of the day, you just kind of want something that's just a little deeper really. BOTH: Yeah, balls deeper. Jinx. Buy me a coke. Oh, snap, we're still saying the same thing. This is amazing! Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins! That's dope, dude. That's so sick. That's crazy. We have that brother connection, too. You ready? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Pirates! Baby feet! Paper clips! Bananas! Sun! Anger! I don't know! Words! Quicksand! Shoes! Boom! That's hip-hop, man. Awesome. That's great.
22 Jump Street
43.8s
Greedy man hands! ...a slam poem in her honor. Early stages, very early stages. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Wouldn't it be better just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time, and then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself? That's a thing that people do. That's stand-up comedy. That's probably what you should do, because that stuff's funny. My brown nipple will produce white milk during lactation... What do you think of this? I actually think it's really powerful. That's cool that you said that, 'cause I actually thought it was really powerful, too, when the one girl was talking about her nips and shit. (APPLAUSE) Okay, does anybody have anything they want to share? Let's see what you got. Any more poets in the audience? I... I mean, do you really do poetry?
22 Jump Street
16.3s
Dude, if it's like last time, you're gonna have an awesome time, and it's gonna suck for me. No. You're gonna have an awesome time, too, because I'm gonna make sure of it. You took a bullet for me. That's right, I did, and it sucked, but I'd do it again. No way. It's my turn. I owe you a life debt. (SINGSONG) Co-ed bathrooms. What? Oh, shit.
22 Jump Street
37s
MALE STUDENT: Okay, we got time for just one more improve game. For this one, we need a ton of different suggestions. So, we just need you guys to fill in the blank in a sentence that we're gonna set up. So it'll go like this. Oh, I'm so hungry, I wish I had a... Tampon! Okay, but we want... We want it to be actual food so that it, like, makes sense with the game. It's more fun that way. So, uh, let's try it one more time. Oh, I've got to get home so I can feed my... Boner! You know what? Let's just play the game, okay? GIRL: All right, so what would you... Hey, that girl's in my psych class. Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her. You come talk to her with me. Stop being a pussy and go talk to her. Go. All right, all right. Coming to the stage, we got...
22 Jump Street
38.6s
Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills! Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes Amanda Bynes drop that raggedy Andy circus circle jerkus... You guys are the improve guys, right? Yeah. That's cool. You're the guy with the terrible suggestions. Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Um, lady J is gonna be up next for you. Cynthia, that girl who died, she used to come here all the time, right? Mmm. This piece is called areolas. Did you know her? Yeah, she lived across the hall from me. Yeah? So why do you care so much?
22 Jump Street