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1.9s
Hey, kitty.

The Hangover

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1m13s
I can't have juice right now. Okay. All right. Let's just track this thing. [PHIL COUGHS] What's the last thing we remember doing last night? Well, the first thing was we were on the roof... ...and were having those shots of Jäger. [RETCHES & COUGHS] And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right? That's right. And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there. That sounds right. No, no. He definitely was. You know what, guys? I don't even remember going to dinner. What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over. After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness. [LAUGHS] Okay. We have up until 10 p. M... ...so that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him. ALAN: What is this? - Oh, my God. That is my tooth. Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets? This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets. Check your pockets. Do you have anything? I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio. Eleven-oh-five for $800! I am so fucked. I have a valet ticket from Caesars. Looks like we got in at 5:15 a.m. Oh, shit. We drove last night? [ALAN LAUGHS] Driving drunk. Classic. [LAUGHS]

The Hangover

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17.2s
Control yourself, man. Goddamn, will you put on some pants? - Phil, do not go in the bathroom. - AI, just calm down. It's me. Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom. - What's going on? - There's a jungle cat in the bathroom! - Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out. ALAN: Don't go in. Don't go in, don't go in. Be careful. Don't, don't.

The Hangover

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- Ah. That's nasty. - Mmm. How that sound? Unh, pshh. - So long, gay boys. - Wait a second. DOUG: He's a nasty little motherfucker. Did you ever get any ecstasy? DOUG: No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy. - Goddamn it! ALAN: Gosh darn it! - Shit! ALAN: Shoot!

The Hangover

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It'd be so cool if I could breast-feed, you know? STU: Well, listen...

The Hangover

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Yeah, just have a little... [TIGER ROARING] [SCREAMS]

The Hangover

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[SCREAMING]

The Hangover

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[WHOOPING]

The Hangover

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I'm not even gonna say anything, it's so embarrassing. - Where's Alan? - He, uh, he went downstairs. He said he had to grab a few things. Good, because I have something to show you.

The Hangover

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[LAUGHS] FRANKLIN: Let me ask you a question: Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a heart condition or anything like that?

The Hangover

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Okay, good or bad, we don't remember so we got nothing to talk about. Nothing, guys. Nothing.

The Hangover

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- This is yours. - Oh, thank you.

The Hangover

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[JADE MOANING]

The Hangover

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STU: I don't know, man. It just hit me. You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue? - Yeah, we threw it out the window. - No, impossible. - You can't open windows in Vegas hotels. - Well, then how did it get...? - Oh, my God! - Ha, ha, ha. - Whoa, wait. What's going on? - Doug was trying to signal someone. - Holy shit. STU: Yes. - Wait. How did you figure that out? - Doug made me realize it. - Doug? - Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug. - Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on. - Sorry. Can someone tell me where white Doug is? - He's on the roof, Alan. - Yes. He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there as a prank... ...so he'd wake up on the roof. - Like that time in summer camp. We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake? Ha, ha, ha. Which was hilarious. It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him. You guys are retarded, you know that? - Holy shit. You think he's still up there? - There's only one way to find out. PHIL: Doug! Doug! - Doug! PHIL: Doug, you up here, buddy? Where you at, Doug? Doug!

The Hangover

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- Whatever. - It's funny, because just the other day... ...me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies. - You know what I'm talking about? - No. Don't know. Why not floories, right? Because when you take them... ...you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name for them. Or, how about rapies?

The Hangover

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We don't have to tell her everything. We can leave out the stuff... ...about me marrying a hooker. Just stay focused on Doug. - What am I gonna tell my dad? - Alan, relax. It's just the inside. Come on. I got a guy in L.A. Who's great with interiors.

The Hangover

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ALAN: What about the baby? PHIL: Leave him in the car. We're gonna be five minutes. STU: Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car. He'll be fine. I cracked the window.

The Hangover

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This was hugely helpful. Really. Because now we know that our buddy Doug... ...was with us at 3:30, totally alive.

The Hangover