Vicky, think it's time to take the next step in our relationship? - Tonight? - Yeah, it's such a perfect evening. I mean, it's how you've always pictured it, isn't it? Damn, my parts fuckin' stink! Dude, you gotta take a shit! You smell like a Yeti! Or not. Just relax.
American Pie
13.8s
- But... - See, that's what I've been realizing... is that... nothing's perfect. And you can't plan everything. Well, I guess... you will be pretty far away.
American Pie
7.9s
Okay, let's go. What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Michelle, Michelle.
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12s
Xenophobic. Oh! - Regurgitation. - I know that one.
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5s
Exactly. - Okay, Albert. You ready? - No problemo.
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2.1s
That was a great night, huh?
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3.2s
I wasn't lying.
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10s
- Why are you doing this? - 'Cause I want to. Yeah? Well, you can't fake this. You better practice.
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8s
We'll tell you on the bus. I'm gonna go inside and grab my bag. My date too, perhaps?
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35.2s
You know what? I don't know if I want to be doing this. - Doing what? - You know, like, if we hook up tonight, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. No way! Steve, you could at least look at me when you say that! Look. Sarah, I... I wouldn't go telling stories or anything about you. I promise. So, just... relax, take it slow... and let the good times roll.
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26.3s
- Let me know. - Okay. Keep going. I should be able to talk to girls. I'm articulate. You know, I got a 720 on my S.A.T. Verbal. Bullshit. There's no way. I kid you not, man. Look. Listen. Copious. Verisimilitude. Oh, ohh. Now.
American Pie
18.1s
- Good morning, gentlemen. - Finch. Where were you last night, huh? What happened to that foolproof plan of yours? Well, I was going for a fashionably-late entrance and I was too late. So, no ladies left. It was a very special night, very special. Guys. Guys.
American Pie
14.9s
Fuck me! There's gonna be an Eastern European chick naked in your house. And you're not gonna do anything about that? What am I gonna do, huh? Broadcast her over the Internet? - Yeah. - You can do that?
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11s
And then he just puked his brains out. - That is a nasty story. - Yep, I told you. Do you want to hear a nasty story of mine? It's sort of sexual.
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6.6s
Is she? She's goin' downstairs.
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2.7s
She's hot!
American Pie
2.1s
Oh, God.
American Pie
2m46s
- We're gonna do this. - All right, to the next step! - Next step! Next step! Next step! # I have visions I was in them I was lookin' into the mirror # # To see a little bit clearer # # The rottenness and evil in me # # Fingertips have memories I can't forget the curves of your body # # And when I feel a bit naughty # # I run it up the flagpole and see # # Who salutes but no one ever does # # I'm not sick but I'm not well # # I'm not sick but I'm not well # # And I'm so hot # # 'Cause I'm in hell # # Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding # # The cretins cloning and feeding # - Well, did you get the flowers? - # And I don't even own a TV # # Hear the voices in my head I swear to God # # It sounds like they're snoring # # But if you're poor and you're boring # # The agony and the irony # # They're killing me # # I'm not sick but I'm not well # # And I'm so hot # # 'Cause I'm in hell ## Don't worry. You'll get her back soon enough. - You think so? - Sure, she likes you. - Well, I like her too. - Do you love her? - Well, I like her too. - Do you love her? Um, you know what? You can't really ask me that. Well, if you want to get her in the sack, I mean, just tell her you love her. - That's how I was duped. - Look, Jessica, I- I don't want to dupe her. All right. What you need to do... is learn how to press a girl's buttons. You have to give her what she's never had. - What's that? - Let me give you a hint. Ohh, Kev! Uhh. Yeah. - Comprende? - You mean an orgasm. - You got it, stud! - Well, you know, I'm-I'm pretty sure that I've... given her a... - No, you haven't. - Well, there was one time... - No. - Oh, man. - Look, kid, it's up to you. The big "L" or the big "O." - Dickhead! - You gotta see this. - # Do you believe in # - # Magic in a young girl's heart # - # Ooh, ooh # # How the music can free her whenever it starts # # And it's magic if the music is groovy # - # It makes you feel happy # - What did you cocks do to him? - # I'll tell you about the magic It'll free your soul # - # Ooh, ooh, ooh # # But it's like tryin' to tell a stranger 'bout rock 'n' roll ## Great. See you next time.