Guns hot? Are you kidding me? No, I'm not, lady. It's not going to happen tonight, okay? I'm not attracted to you. Rotate your turret and go night-night.
The Change-Up
6.2s
So it's like you have three balls. Dave has three balls. A bouquet of balls. Bad! Bad!
The Change-Up
15.6s
What did you do? The woman is nine months pregnant! I could see the baby's face. I told you not to screw up my Tuesday night. Do you have any idea how many Lamaze classes I had to sit through to get that lined up? Is there a reason that you're calling me at 3:00 in the morning? Yeah, the dock worker is making me feed the twins. What do I do?
The Change-Up
13.7s
Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better? The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling? I am a many-spotted skipperling man, all the way. The monarch is just a glorified moth, don't you think? Yes. I tend to agree.
The Change-Up
1.8s
Thank you so much.
The Change-Up
3.3s
Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian. What?
The Change-Up
1.2s
Not really.
The Change-Up
1.2s
Thank you.
The Change-Up
11s
Honey... Don't even say that. I'm so sorry. I suck. Dr. Tillman said just once a week, for one hour. I'm sorry.
The Change-Up
18.3s
That was three months ago. I know. I heard her. And I want to sit and talk with you for an hour more than once a week, but tonight, I cannot. Why? What are you doing? I promised Mitch I would sit and watch a game with him tonight, and... What? Can we please just slide the Dialogue Night again? I'm so sorry.
The Change-Up
3.1s
So where do you want to do this tonight? Do what?
The Change-Up
18.6s
What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? Why can't they talk yet? Are they retarded or something? Don't say... You can't say that. Well, this one right here looks a little Downsy. - Or that. - I'm kidding. - A little bit, though? - No. Pumpkin, we'll see you right after the game, okay? Have fun.
The Change-Up
14.5s
This chick does not look happy. I was just saying that I really envy your life. - That's all. - I envy yours. No, you don't. You're just trying to be nice. I'm not. I do, I envy it. No. I envy yours. I wish I had your life.
The Change-Up
16.6s
And sex with strange, new women. You're living the dream. How much fun is it being an actor, working one week a year? I want to smoke weed all day. I want to start a book that I actually finish. I would like to take a nice, solid dump because I'm not constantly stressed out.
The Change-Up
16.3s
Look, shitbird. You got it made! You have an extremely hot wife, and you got a beautiful house that's full of furniture and food and kids. And you make a ton of money. And you come home at the end of the day and you're surrounded by people who give a shit about you.
The Change-Up
1.7s
I want to go home.
The Change-Up
4.4s
So, I'll have my briefs on your desk by lunch. That puts my balls on your chin by dinner.