Found 785 results

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1.5s
(INHALES)

Ted 2

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(SNIFFLES)

Ted 2

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12.4s
I'm nervous that you're going to be swayed by smooth talk and a haircut, and forget about the most important aspect of this case.

Ted 2

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15.2s
(STUTTERS) Hey, listen, Sam, I'm real sorry. That barn just came out of nowhere. No, no, it's my fault. I... I, uh... I should never have let you drive. Yeah. You were wrong. You were wrong to do that. Yeah. But that and the trial are the only two things you fucked up. So, uh...

Ted 2

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Sorry, bro.

Ted 2

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6.8s
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna havetolet you go. What? Why? I've been busting my ass at this job for three years!

Ted 2

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8.2s
Uh, it's been discussed, but do you mind if I ask how old you are? I'm 26. Ah.

Ted 2

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(LIP-SYNCHING TO SONG)

Ted 2

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Oh, what do you mean? My parents got him for me when I was a kid. A-ha. They "got him."

Ted 2

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34.9s
Now, you said your parents purchased Ted, as one might purchase a baseball glove or a Big Wheel. No, it's not like that! Objection! You can't do that! You know what? This is bullshit! This court is trying to tell me that I'm not as good as other people, and this is exactly what you've been doing to the fags! Ted! Sorry, sorry. The homos, the homos. This is exactly what you've been doing to the homos, and I say it's wrong! Ms. Jackson, please control your client or I'll hold both of you in contempt of court! Oh, piss off! I'm standing up for rne and I'm standing up for the homos! We deserve respect! Ted, shut up! Fine.

Ted 2

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4.5s
No words. (SNIFFLES) They should've sent a poet.

Ted 2

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Do you love Tami-Lynn?

Ted 2

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2.7s
(HORN HONKS) (SCREAMS) Don't let the goose get me!

Ted 2

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They do move in herds.

Ted 2

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17.2s
Okay. I'm gonna ask you a few test questions. Are you ready? Yep, bring it on. You're on the stand, the DA says, "Ted, do you consider yourself to be human?" Objection! Sustained! No, the witness can't object. Overruled! Sidebar? Guilty! Speculation! Hearsay! Briefcase! Bailiff! Disregard! In my chambers! Stop beavering the witness! I rest. We could totally be lawyers. Bang.

Ted 2

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At least you figured it out early.

Ted 2

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20.5s
You wanna see it? Huh? You wanna see your kid? I can see it from here, thanks,yeah. Dude, take a closer look. It's your kid. No,no,no! Come on! You got to take a closer look. That's close enough, Johnny! He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch. Oh, shit! Oh, God! Fuck!Dude, that's somebody's kid! Well, it's not my fault, A-Rod! You were supposed to catch it! We got to find something to scoop it up. There's containers over there. Scoop it up with that. Shit. All right.

Ted 2

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8s
Ted, do you love your wife? Objection. She's not his wife. The marriage was annulled. I'll rephrase.

Ted 2