NARRATOR: And that's the story of how one magical wish forever changed the lives of three very special friends.
Ted
2.9s
Uh-huh. And if I don't get the job, are we still going to smoke that pot?
Ted
2.9s
All I ever wanted was you, John Bennett.
Ted
1.4s
RECORDED TOY VOICE: I love you!
Ted
2.6s
We gotta get you a job.
Ted
1.9s
I love you, too.
Ted
1.2s
I love you.
Ted
16.8s
Look at that one. WASP-y, white-guy fish. "I married the wrong woman, and now I lead a life of regret." Oh, look at this guy. "I went to New York once in 1981, and I just did not feel safe." (SIGHS) Ted, you gotta move out.
Ted
13.2s
Oh, uh. No. Yeah. No, no. And it kills me to have to tell you no, because I'm a people pleaser. Yeah. Thank you for creeping up my night. And Jesus be with you... Okay. ...In Christ.
Ted
8.6s
Fuck. Shit, sorry, that's the thing from the... The old... Yeah, yeah. I'm not gay. I know. And you're not gay, so we're fine.
Ted
6.5s
There you go. You got it. (LAUGHS) Nice. Good, huh? Good job.
Ted
2.7s
I guess we can't make small talk all day, huh?
Ted
2.6s
Hey. What are you doing here?
Ted
1.4s
Forever.
Ted
34.3s
Did you just call me a whore? What? You just worry about your own "snatch." How about that, honey? Whoa! Whoa! JOHN: Whoa! What the hell happened? We're having a friendly meal here. This was a nice evening. Don't talk shit to me. I just asked you a question. You know, you're a freaking snob. You think you're cool because you work at some fucking fancy shit place, whatever. Okay, take it easy. Nice, Lori, real nice. Me? It's not my fault she can't speak English. Oh, fuck you! Just because you're on the business world and shit you think, what, everybody should suck your asshole, or something? Okay. All right, Tami, come on, honey. Let's get out of here. We'll go back to my place for a couple of vodka and strawberry Quiks. You know what? I gave birth once, bitch. I could kick your fucking ass.
Ted
8s
So, Tami-Lynn, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? Like, where are you from? I'm always fascinated to meet Ted's girlfriends.
Ted
8s
I've been getting stoned too much. I know that. I've been bumming around with Ted too much. I know that, too. You give me one more chance, I promise I can fix it.
Ted
8.6s
Not recently, no. I thought that was just for people in Florida. You better follow me. Come on. Johnny, I'm frightened.
