This is the first time that you've been single in all the years you've worked here.
Ted
1.5s
Yes! He did it!
Ted
1.6s
How do you know?
Ted
3.7s
(JOHN ROARS) (LAUGHS) JOHN: Who lives here? I'm coming to get whoever lives here.
Ted
1.9s
Ted!
Ted
5.3s
Johnny, I'm... I'm sorry. I gotta be on my own, Ted. I can't see you anymore.
Ted
4.9s
Sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning when I was eight years old. I wish I had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
Ted
3.3s
Yeah, first night in my beautiful new apartment.
Ted
3.4s
My dick is squished by the TV.
Ted
3.7s
You son of a bitch! Well, you never should have trusted me. I'm on drugs.
Ted
2.5s
I'm not going to try to get you to take me back.
Ted
28s
No, John. We can get her back. Look, you remember when you were 10, and you hit that squirrel with your BB gun? And then when we saw it fall from the tree, we both started crying, you remember? And then we ran up to it and we tried to give it CPR, and it came back to life. John, we could do that again. Ted, we crushed its ribcage and blew out its lungs trying to give it CPR. It died.
Ted
1.2s
Go away.
Ted
1.6s
Is that my ringtone?
Ted
4s
Rex is fine. He only hit on me once today, so, it's a good thing.
Ted
1.2s
We sure did.
Ted
1.2s
(SIGHS)
Ted
12.9s
You know, Sam, there's only one way to end a perfect day. What's that? Flash jump. Right. BOTH: One, two, three! Yeah!
