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1.8s

Savior of the universe!

Ted

12.9s

Octopussy. (GASPS) Baby! Gold star. And, by the way, my dancing was not that bad. It was pretty bad. I have cool moves. Yeah, so do people with Parkinson's. That's not how I remember it. Okay, how do you remember it?

Ted

22.1s

You know, you guys, it's really not about that. I don't care about that. I mean, I'd love him if he was a janitor. I mean, he has a huge heart and we laugh a lot. It's just a bonus that he's the hottest guy in Boston. I don't know. I just wish he would get his life together. Our life. And he can't. And, I swear to God, it is because of that bear. You should give him an ultimatum. It's you or the bear.

Ted

10s

Teddy, come on, we're going to be late for dinner with your friends. Okay, be there in a second, baby. As you can see, my dance card is quite full. So, I'm going to have to decline. Can I just get a hug?

Ted

7.1s

(SQUEALS EXCITEDLY) He acknowledged it. Let's do some shots. With you? Ch, my God, yes! Ch, my God, yes! Let's go!

Ted

2.4s

Lori ever fart in front of you? Yeah.

Ted

2.7s

(ALL CHEERING) (SQUAWKING)

Ted

2.1s

Thank you for being so honest.

Ted

1.7s

And we're in love.

Ted

16.5s

What a cunt. Ow! I hate that word! What? That word. It's so sharp, it's like an electric sword slashing everything in its path. Why would you say that? You didn't exactly stand up for me. I'm trying to walk a line, here. I want to be fair to you and to him, you know? I think you're being a little more fair to him. Oh, come on.

Ted

5.3s

There she is. I was worried you weren't coming. Hey, squirt, how you doing? Where's your bunny rabbit?

Ted

5.4s

Oh, my God, it always looks so great! I always want to fucking brush it. Right, Johnny? I say that.

Ted

2s

You can thank Ted.

Ted

1.4s

I'm coming.

Ted

2.4s

In the corner, there is a shit!

Ted

1.8s

You're right.

Ted

14.6s

Look, I'm only saying this because I love you. You're not going to have any sort of career if you keep wasting time with Ted. Oh, jeez, here we go. Baby, please ask Ted to move out so we can move on with our lives. Lori, look, he's been my best friend since I was eight. I was not a popular child.

Ted

11.6s

TED: Play Chopsticks, you jazzy slut. Teddy! (LAUGHS) How are you? How are you doing, you fuzzy little asshole? Well, I'm not a hot, half-Muslim chick who sold 37 million records, but I'm hanging in there.

Ted

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Savior of the universe!

Octopussy. (GASPS) Baby! Gold star. And, by the way, my dancing was not that bad. It was pretty bad. I have cool moves. Yeah, so do people with Parkinson's. That's not how I remember it. Okay, how do you remember it?

Teddy, come on, we're going to be late for dinner with your friends. Okay, be there in a second, baby. As you can see, my dance card is quite full. So, I'm going to have to decline. Can I just get a hug?

(SQUEALS EXCITEDLY) He acknowledged it. Let's do some shots. With you? Ch, my God, yes! Ch, my God, yes! Let's go!

Lori ever fart in front of you? Yeah.

(ALL CHEERING) (SQUAWKING)

Thank you for being so honest.

And we're in love.

There she is. I was worried you weren't coming. Hey, squirt, how you doing? Where's your bunny rabbit?

Oh, my God, it always looks so great! I always want to fucking brush it. Right, Johnny? I say that.

You can thank Ted.

I'm coming.

In the corner, there is a shit!

You're right.

Look, I'm only saying this because I love you. You're not going to have any sort of career if you keep wasting time with Ted. Oh, jeez, here we go. Baby, please ask Ted to move out so we can move on with our lives. Lori, look, he's been my best friend since I was eight. I was not a popular child.

TED: Play Chopsticks, you jazzy slut. Teddy! (LAUGHS) How are you? How are you doing, you fuzzy little asshole? Well, I'm not a hot, half-Muslim chick who sold 37 million records, but I'm hanging in there.