John, I need a man. Not a little boy with a teddy bear. I know, done. Man. Right here, in front of you, all right? Look at these pecs. These are man pecs. Look at the hair on my upper lip. That's man hair.
Ted
1.5s
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
Ted
4.3s
TED: Hey, Lori, can you set the alarm for 11:00 a.m.? I've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.
Ted
3.1s
Ha-ha. No, just you homos. Whoa! Whoa!
Ted
2.6s
(OMINOUS RING-TONE PLAYING)
Ted
18.8s
Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny? Fucking right. Let's sing the thundersong. All right. BOTH: (SINGING) When you hear the sound of thunder Don't you get too scared Just grab your thunder buddy And say these magic words Fuck you, thunder You can suck my dick You can't get me, thunder 'Cause you're just God's farts (BOTH IMITATE FARTING)
Ted
1.8s
Good luck. Thank you.
Ted
11.6s
All right, kid, you win. We'll do it your way. What do you want to do? You want to play a game? It's playtime, right? We'll play a game. Yeah, I want to play a game. Good, good. Let's see. How about we... How about we play a little game of hide and seek?
Ted
3s
WOMAN: Good morning, Lori. Good morning.
Ted
1.2s
Why?
Ted
6.9s
No, I can't do that. That would devastate him. Besides, what if he chose Ted?
Ted
1.4s
Oh, my God!
Ted
1.3s
(GRUNTING)
Ted
5.9s
Are you kidding me? No, no, no. Four years, we've been going out. I'm taking you to the best place in town.
Ted
1.7s
Come on.
Ted
7.8s
I could sit here and tell you I'm sorry, it was a huge misunderstanding, and I'm ready to change, but I don't think you want to hear any of that crap.
