Found 361 results
1m49s
My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year... at which time I must return to my home country... where I do not have many friends. I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant. Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk. Tit! Oh, Mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred... but I hear �milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug... dine at just one American pink taco stand. You know, I wanted to-- how is it-- park the porpoise. I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah. And I would like to be your assistant very much... Mr. Van Wilder. You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes. You'll also handle my finances. I lecture at the freshman crisis group every other Monday. I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular... and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester. This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment. Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault. - Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin. - Thanks, Van. Don't pick at it. Moving on. I'm moving my 7:15 to 8:15, my 8:15 to 9:45... and my 9:45 till Wednesday. You owe $75,000 for the speed boat. Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week. I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down? - Yes, sir. - You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred. Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon. - With a happy ending? - Ah, yes. And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester. Tuition? Van is still in school? For the better part of a decade.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
24.4s
Okay, look, that old bag is stronger than she looks. I'm doing a human interest piece on you. I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me. But sadly I don't do interviews. Never have, never will. I do lunch. My editor did say this would be a challenge. Van, second date with Emily. Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself. - Has anyone told you that before? - Yes, my boyfriend.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
17s
- I have a few questions for you. - In time. This is gonna be fun. You know that three-letter word that starts with F? So you're quite the campus man, heading events like the J�ger Olympics. Yes, well, you haven't lived... until you've shot putted blitzed on J�ger. - Heinie? - This was a really bad idea.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
32.4s
Mail it in! Mail it in. Van, you must make four monthly payments of $5,000 each. I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go. I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore. A good soldier does not leave his commander... just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets... intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds. I will stay on at no charge. Okay. Exactly how much money do you have? - He has only $34. - Damn, Van! What the hell you gonna do with $34, man?
National Lampoon's Van Wilder