Found 890 results
41.5s
This ball club is the heart of this institution. You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks. You're not boxing out, Big Papa. You're my Windex man. I want you shining glass. We gotta D up out there. Darius. I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake. What are you looking at? Your mom said you left your legs at home. For God's sake! I'd do anything for you guys... which is why I'm throwing you a little soiree tomorrow night... but not without a W tonight. You want to know why? Nobody wants to celebrate a loss, guys. Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mt. Holyoke? I already did. They said they'd try to make it if they weren't humping the Matadors. - The Matadors? - What?
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
21.2s
"Lite Beer vs. Dark-- The Showdown" by Darius Grayson. - Is that the same-- - Pulitzer-prize winning Darius Grayson. He was an alumnus of our journalism staff. He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told. I have got a very challenging assignment for you. A story that nobody's been able to get. - About what? - No, no. It's about whom.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
17.9s
"Depression: Is Prozac really the answer?" "Famine-- Crisis in Rwanda." "Tracking Tuition: Where does our money really go?" Each article well-written and researched by our own Gwen Pearson... and each article skipped over by the majority of the student body. I don't care. I won't pander to them.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
1m49s
My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year... at which time I must return to my home country... where I do not have many friends. I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant. Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk. Tit! Oh, Mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred... but I hear �milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug... dine at just one American pink taco stand. You know, I wanted to-- how is it-- park the porpoise. I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah. And I would like to be your assistant very much... Mr. Van Wilder. You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes. You'll also handle my finances. I lecture at the freshman crisis group every other Monday. I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular... and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester. This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment. Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault. - Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin. - Thanks, Van. Don't pick at it. Moving on. I'm moving my 7:15 to 8:15, my 8:15 to 9:45... and my 9:45 till Wednesday. You owe $75,000 for the speed boat. Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week. I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down? - Yes, sir. - You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred. Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon. - With a happy ending? - Ah, yes. And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester. Tuition? Van is still in school? For the better part of a decade.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder