National Lampoon's Van Wilder Ryan Reynolds 2000 Clear all

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It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation. And it hurts when I-- - Dance? - When I pee.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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We need to talk.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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37.5s
So how long have you and premed Richard been together? - Since my freshman year. - I bet he's a tighty whitey guy. - Excuse me? - White, elastic band, constrictive. You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear. Like you. Granny panties, I bet. Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type? I just wanted a visual. I think it takes a lot more than the kind of underwear one wears... to define them as a person. Like what? Like their actions. For instance, most people... want to get out of school so they can make money. You're trying to make money to stay in school.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Maybe seven years of tuition... is a good way to remind him that you're still angry.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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10.5s
Are we gonna get in trouble for being in here? It's cool. Equipment manager owes me a favor. I introduced him to his wife. Life is all about developing relationships, Gwen. I hope you can skate.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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What about your future? - You take life way too seriously. - Life is serious. I used to party with this guy who once told me... "Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive."

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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He used to write for the school paper. He kept babbling about the differences between light and dark beer.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Come on!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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- Yeah. - And thank you. All right, things to remember-- commerce and trade-- Everybody just file out in an orderly fashion.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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And of course, Gwen's father. I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Dr. Pearson? - Indeed. - Indeed. Super. All right. So... am I here for a physical? 'Cause I'm gonna need a few cocktails before I start coughing for you fellas.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Dear Van-- Here you go, Taj. Get your rave on, man. - Thanks. - You got it. "See you tonight. Gwen." The invite to the parents' house. This is big. This is very, very big. - Doesn't she have a boyfriend? - Details. I'm off. Taj, you're in charge. I do not think I'm capable of handling such a responsibility. Listen to me. Do you know why I chose you as my assistant? So you could teach me how to muff dive?

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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13.2s
It's time to excise that cancerous lump. Forget him. Let's crap in the chapter room and make the pledges clean it up. - It'll be fun. - I wish I could, Gordo. I got dinner at Gwen's parents' house. Sounds special. Is Wilder gonna be there?

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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12.6s
- May I help you? - Yeah, I'm Van-- You made it. Evelyn, this is one of your daughter's acquaintances from school. There's room for one more? By all means. Come in, please.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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14.7s
All you need are the three fundamentals-- scented candles... massage oil... and Barry White. Write that down. - Hey, no cock pump. - No cock pump. Barry White.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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9.5s
Excuse me, gentlemen. Van, this is Dr. Henke, proctologist. Oh, well, holy crap. I hope you're not on call tonight.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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4.4s
Hey, guys. Hey, Richard. Is there anything I can do for you today?

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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4.7s
Dr. Beaverman, OB-GYN. Van Wilder, G-L-A-D to meet you.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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Excuse me, gentlemen.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder