Found 722 results

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8.6s
Fuck. Shit, sorry, that's the thing from the... The old... Yeah, yeah. I'm not gay. I know. And you're not gay, so we're fine.

Ted

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6.5s
There you go. You got it. (LAUGHS) Nice. Good, huh? Good job.

Ted

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2.7s
I guess we can't make small talk all day, huh?

Ted

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2.6s
Hey. What are you doing here?

Ted

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1.4s
Forever.

Ted

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34.3s
Did you just call me a whore? What? You just worry about your own "snatch." How about that, honey? Whoa! Whoa! JOHN: Whoa! What the hell happened? We're having a friendly meal here. This was a nice evening. Don't talk shit to me. I just asked you a question. You know, you're a freaking snob. You think you're cool because you work at some fucking fancy shit place, whatever. Okay, take it easy. Nice, Lori, real nice. Me? It's not my fault she can't speak English. Oh, fuck you! Just because you're on the business world and shit you think, what, everybody should suck your asshole, or something? Okay. All right, Tami, come on, honey. Let's get out of here. We'll go back to my place for a couple of vodka and strawberry Quiks. You know what? I gave birth once, bitch. I could kick your fucking ass.

Ted

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8s
So, Tami-Lynn, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? Like, where are you from? I'm always fascinated to meet Ted's girlfriends.

Ted

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8s
I've been getting stoned too much. I know that. I've been bumming around with Ted too much. I know that, too. You give me one more chance, I promise I can fix it.

Ted

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8.6s
Not recently, no. I thought that was just for people in Florida. You better follow me. Come on. Johnny, I'm frightened.

Ted

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3.8s
Listen, I just want to say thank you.

Ted

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7.6s
You're not a very polite guest, are you? Shit! Ted, hello? Ted? What's the matter? Is he okay?

Ted

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4.4s
Ted? Listen, I got to call you back. No, John, don't hang up! I'm in trouble.

Ted

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1.2s
Yeah.

Ted

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16.4s
You know, it's funny, because whenever Johnny and I hang out the first item on our agenda is, "What's going on with Lori?" So, it's funny that that didn't come up. That must have slipped through the cracks. Yeah, but we do talk about you all the time. Yeah, you remember the other day, I was saying how great Lori's hair always looks.

Ted

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16.9s
What? Sam Jones. Flash-fucking-Gordon is here. Holy shit! What? You remember I said my buddy's cousin is friends with Sam Jones? My buddy's in town with his cousin, and who do you think is with him? Sam Jones. Sam Jones is here, and, John, (WHISPERS) his hair is parted down the middle.

Ted

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10.7s
Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded.

Ted

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8.7s
I want us to keep talking because I think that maybe... (CELL PHONE RINGING) Go ahead. Whoever this is, it's not a good time. John, it's me. Can you hear me?

Ted

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4.7s
You're not giving anything a chance if you keep blowing off work to get high with your teddy bear.

Ted