What? Sam Jones. Flash-fucking-Gordon is here. Holy shit! What? You remember I said my buddy's cousin is friends with Sam Jones? My buddy's in town with his cousin, and who do you think is with him? Sam Jones. Sam Jones is here, and, John, (WHISPERS) his hair is parted down the middle.
Ted
7.5s
If I had to make a guess I would say that you made up some bullshit excuse to get out of work to go to Ted's. Now, am I right?
Ted
1.3s
Ted?
Ted
1.8s
Ow! Fuck! Cocksucker!
Ted
1.2s
(SCREAMS)
Ted
1.7s
Mandy? No.
Ted
1.4s
Lori, what...
Ted
1.7s
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Ted
9.2s
You know, Lori would hate me for saying this, but she told me how you are at the office. And, as one gentleman to another, I just want to say I really hope you fucking get Lou Gehrig's disease.
Ted
20.3s
Break his arm off! We're going to die. We're all going to die. Break this up, break this up. Get him! (YELLING) MING: You break my wall! This my home long time. You break my wall, you bastard men. We're sorry, it was an accident, okay? I try to make duck dinner, now plaster everywhere. Chill out. Can we just talk about this? What's your name? I'm John. My name is Wan Ming.
Ted
1.2s
LORI: Oh!
Ted
3.3s
(STAPLING) Ah! (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Ted
1.9s
You Italian? No.
Ted
4.2s
It's Lance Armstrong's nut. I had it freeze-dried and bronzed.
Ted
12.3s
I wonder who it's going to hit first. So, if I told him once, I told him a million times these numbers do not add up. (GAGGING) Who did this to us? God damn it! I'm here on business!
Ted
12.3s
John, I need a man. Not a little boy with a teddy bear. I know, done. Man. Right here, in front of you, all right? Look at these pecs. These are man pecs. Look at the hair on my upper lip. That's man hair.
