Joel McHale 2010 Clear all

Found 722 results

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(WATER BUBBLING)

Ted

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Rex, I got to go.

Ted

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(STAMMERS) I think I need to clear the air here a little. Yeah, I'm kind of a fun-time boss and what-not. But, look, man, I do that with everybody at the office. I'm a kook. I have no designs on your girlfriend. We work together, and that's it. I think you're a great guy and she's a very lucky girl.

Ted

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Rex was forced to give up his pursuit of Lori. Not long afterward, he fell into a deep depression and died of Lou Gehrig's disease.

Ted

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Where are you going? Taking a cab. I'm going home.

Ted

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Just to be clear, I'm not embarrassed.

Ted

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(THUNDER CRASHES LOUDLY)

Ted

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Yeah, if you want.

Ted

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You asshole!

Ted

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No.

Ted

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You have to understand, I had no friends before he came along. He's the only reason I ever gained any fucking confidence. But you're no longer eight. You're 35 years old. And unless you're too blind to notice, he's not your only friend anymore. Can we talk about this another time, and just enjoy our anniversary dinner?

Ted

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MAN: asshole! TED: That's my bad. I was sending a tweet.

Ted

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Sure. Great, we'll be right back. Come on, buddy.

Ted

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That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.

Ted

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(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)

Ted

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Welcome back, Ted.

Ted

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This is art. Get it?

Ted

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Johnny. It's me.

Ted