Oh. Is that a Flash Gordon ray gun, or are you just happy to see me?
Ted
8.7s
Lori was right about you. You cannot take responsibility for anything that goes on in your life. Oh, and you can? I don't have to. I'm a fucking teddy bear.
Ted
2.2s
And I was so heartbroken.
Ted
2.2s
This is art. Get it?
Ted
3.7s
Sure. Great, we'll be right back. Come on, buddy.
Ted
2.8s
Okay, here's a test to see how much you actually care about me.
Ted
5.4s
Well, as it turned out, John picked the perfect night to make a wish.
Ted
2.2s
Uh, no, no, I'm not.
Ted
5s
I'll be back in 30 minutes tops, okay? But Lori cannot find out. She absolutely cannot know I was gone.
Ted
4.2s
Listen, why don't John and I go get a drink at the bar?
Ted
1.3s
No.
Ted
1.7s
Oh, shit, hang on a second.
Ted
3s
Don't ever lose her again.
Ted
6.4s
Let's all be best friends. Oh, my God! John, get away from that thing. Get over here right now. But, Dad... Get over here!
Ted
3.7s
Yeah. No. Yeah. No.
Ted
12s
Did you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm? (IN BOSTON ACCENT) Oh, yeah, oh, yeah! Harder! Harder! Oh, God, that was so good! Now I'm going to stuff my fucking face with Pepperidge Farm!
Ted
4.9s
Sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning when I was eight years old. I wish I had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
Ted
4.7s
I actually went through something like this with my last boyfriend. Really? Yeah.
