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Oh...

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Okay, um, I'm gonna need you to, uh, put your heels over your head so I can start to go to town on your taint and your butthole. - Yep. - Great. Thanks. - Alright. - Okay. Let's get these out of the way. Right. There we go. Great, great, great. Carla, uh... At the risk of sounding forward um, would you be willing to come with me to my Sexy Santa Competition tonight? Uh, well, I-I don't date my clients, Ty. I have a really strict code. Yeah. Oh, of course you do. Are you kidding me? I know. And I know. And-and you should. You should have a... I'm just fuckin' with you, Ty. I don't have a code! I'm waxing your butthole. I would love to go to your show. - You would? - Yes! Yes! Oh, my God. She's funny and she's beautiful. This is a combination you don't run into every day, you know. Well, you don't see this combo that often, either. So it's a date, then. I'll see you tonight. It's a date. Oh, um, do you want me to reach down there and-and I can pull my butt crack open for you if you want. Thank you. No one's ever asked if they could hold their butt crack open for me before. I'll hold my butt crack open for you anytime you want, Carla.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Anyone else here for a wax?

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Hey, mom, look what Santa got me. A used baseball glove. Oh, that's great, buddy. I used to have one just like it.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Kent, get the kids out of here. Mm-hm. Yep, yep. Let's go, guys. Let's get outta here. Mommy and grandma gotta talk. Come on, buddy. This is gonna get ugly. - Mom. Mom. - What? What? You can't live next door to me. - Why, why not? - Because I need space. And t-that, that is too close.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Well, what am I supposed to do with myself? I don't know, mom! Anything! Make some friends! You're always saying you wanna go to Vegas to see Wayne Newton before he dies. Do that! Anything! As long as it's without me!

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Um, is that a camel?

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Guys, how long have you been standing here? How could you do this to us? Guys, would you please just trust me that it's for the best? No, it's not! It's the best for you. We actually love grandma. Yeah, she's a part of our family, and we love her. Yo-you don't just kick someone out. First, you kick dad out. Now, you kick grandma out. Who's next? Are you gonna kick us out? What, honey, no, of course not. I would never do that. Why do you always have to screw everything up?

A Bad Moms Christmas

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- I need you to get out. - Amy. I've been putting up with your shit my entire life. I can't do it anymore. I just... I can't. I need you out of my house and I need you out of my life for good. - You don't mean that. - I really, really do.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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♪ Forget what Father Brennan said ♪ ♪ We were not born in sin ♪ ♪ Leave a note on your bed ♪ Mom? It's Christmas Eve. Where do you wanna get takeout?

A Bad Moms Christmas

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And what's worse is... I didn't just ruin Christmas. I ruined my family.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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- Amy, it's Christmas. - Mother, get out!

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Honey... Nice goin'.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Mom? Mom?

A Bad Moms Christmas

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Why? Because I push her to be the best and she can't handle it. Of course, my mother pushed me twice as hard and I turned out amazing. But I guess not everyone is as incredibly strong as I am. Well, my daughter didn't kick me out of the house or anything. But you would not believe how mad she got when I told her I bought the house next to hers. What? You bought the house next to your daughter? - Yeah, I did. - Did you ask her first? No, I wanted it to be a surprise. Yeah, that might be a bit much. Dude, that is fucking psycho. Well, at least I love my daughter. You only visit Carla when you need money. Uh, no, that is not true. I visit her on other occasions like when I'm hiding from someone. Oh, just admit it, Isis. You're a degenerate gambler with a third-grade education and a cheap weave. This is my own hair, okay? And you're a terrible mother. - Ladies, it is Jesus' birthday. - No, I'm serious. You think that you are so perfect. But you are the worst mom of all of us. - Well, I don't know... - Okay, okay. Second worst, whatever. But the point is that you're one of those moms that you, you dress so perfectly and you give fancy parties, and you know how to cook food. And, and you have all your own teeth. But you know what? You suck. You suck at all the shit that really matters. And I even can see it, and I'm stoned all the time. Please, you don't know the first thing about me. Well, if you're such an awesome mom why did your daughter kick you out of her life forever? In your face. And you know what, I have done horrible stuff to my daughter, really horrible shit. And she has never kicked me out. Never. So you just take that and you roll it up real tight and you shove it up your ass. Okay. We've all shared some very powerful feelings tonight. Oh, shut the fuck up, Sandy. You bet.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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It is possible that I should not have thrown a secret Christmas party at your house. Obviously, you made an incredible number of bad decisions this Christmas as well. But... for the tiny fraction of blame that falls on me I am... I am generally... apologetic.

A Bad Moms Christmas

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That ice was from the moon! It was moon ice, you nasty bitch! Let go of the stupid tree! Let go! Listen, mom! I promised my kids I wouldn't do Christmas like this! Everybody loves a Christmas like this! It's fucking spectacular! No, they don't!

A Bad Moms Christmas

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So that's how it happened. That's how I ruined Christmas. I got so wrapped up in fighting with my mom that I lost sight of the only thing that actually matters. I lost sight of my kids.

A Bad Moms Christmas