TED: So do you say "Arizona State University" or do you just say "HPVU"?
Ted 2
12.5s
We better get going. We got two hours of driving left and I'm kind of beat. Yeah, we got to be well rested for tomorrow. I'll drive. You can take a nap. You don't have a license. Who cares? Johnny lets me drive every once in a while when he's too hammered. I'm a fucking pro!
Ted 2
4.7s
Hey, Johnny! You did it! Right here, buddy. Ew. I mean, awesome! (CHUCKLES)
Ted 2
2.4s
Take a look. (CHEERING)
Ted 2
1.4s
Thirsty, Urkel?
Ted 2
6.6s
Kidnapping only applies to people. And you, Ted, you're property. Yeah, so is that fucking hairpiece.
Ted 2
1.8s
Ted! Ted, hello?
Ted 2
15.8s
Isthatyou? Uh, yeah, he had a little too much to drink. He puked a pile of cotton all over this little girl in a stroller so we're gonna take him back and sober him up. Ah, rock on, Ted. Eff yeah. Hey, guys, be careful out there. Some nerd spilled his lunch.
Ted 2
1.6s
Oh. No way! (CHUCKLES)
Ted 2
4.6s
Uh-huh. All right, well, good luck with your dick, there. Right on. You, too, man.
Ted 2
1.7s
I have $40, here.
Ted 2
5.4s
Think about what happened at Fenway. You remember? You out me open, that's it! I'm gone, dead!
Ted 2
9.1s
Oh. Yeah, okay, yeah. Too bad. You're missing out on a great guy. Um, do I just spit in my hand or do I get a lube or something? A magazine?
Ted 2
5.5s
We're gonna figure out what makes you real, and then we're gonna make millions of Teds. One for every child in the world.
Ted 2
7.3s
Yes, I remember it. Should we say it just for safety? No, that's not necessary. Say it. Just say it. Say it. I don't want to. I don't have to. Fresh cakes.
Ted 2
7.6s
It's the intermediary station before insemination. Are you submitting? No. My friend is, uh, yanking out a sample in one of the rooms.
Ted 2
22.1s
Mr. Jessup, we could take him back, with only a trivial degree of legal consequence if we were even caught. And why would we do this? Sir, if we could cut him open to see what makes him tick, we could manufacture millions of Teds for every child in the world. Hasbro would double its profits overnight.
Ted 2
4.4s
And, look, regardless of all this shit, you're still the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.
