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1.7s

(BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING)

Ted 2

1.2s

Hmm.

Ted 2

1.6s

Do you love Tami-Lynn?

Ted 2

4.3s

Ted, do you believe you have a soul?

Ted 2

17.2s

Okay. I'm gonna ask you a few test questions. Are you ready? Yep, bring it on. You're on the stand, the DA says, "Ted, do you consider yourself to be human?" Objection! Sustained! No, the witness can't object. Overruled! Sidebar? Guilty! Speculation! Hearsay! Briefcase! Bailiff! Disregard! In my chambers! Stop beavering the witness! I rest. We could totally be lawyers. Bang.

Ted 2

15.2s

(STUTTERS) Hey, listen, Sam, I'm real sorry. That barn just came out of nowhere. No, no, it's my fault. I... I, uh... I should never have let you drive. Yeah. You were wrong. You were wrong to do that. Yeah. But that and the trial are the only two things you fucked up. So, uh...

Ted 2

4.5s

No words. (SNIFFLES) They should've sent a poet.

Ted 2

2.3s

At least you figured it out early.

Ted 2

1.2s

(SNIFFLES)

Ted 2

1.5s

(INHALES)

Ted 2

1.3s

Yeah.

Ted 2

20.5s

You wanna see it? Huh? You wanna see your kid? I can see it from here, thanks,yeah. Dude, take a closer look. It's your kid. No,no,no! Come on! You got to take a closer look. That's close enough, Johnny! He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch. Oh, shit! Oh, God! Fuck!Dude, that's somebody's kid! Well, it's not my fault, A-Rod! You were supposed to catch it! We got to find something to scoop it up. There's containers over there. Scoop it up with that. Shit. All right.

Ted 2

2.9s

TED: No, no, that's not gonna work. You need two of them. You got to scoop one into the other.

Ted 2

1.3s

I see.

Ted 2

8.2s

Uh, it's been discussed, but do you mind if I ask how old you are? I'm 26. Ah.

Ted 2

6.8s

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna havetolet you go. What? Why? I've been busting my ass at this job for three years!

Ted 2

7.1s

I noticed you always use urinal four, so I put fresh cakes in there for you. You're an important man. You should never have to smell pee.

Ted 2

7.9s

Hey. I just got off work and heard your message. Is that for real? Did they actually tell you that? Yeah, it's unbelievable. "Property." They said I'm property.

Ted 2

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(BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING)

Hmm.

Do you love Tami-Lynn?

Ted, do you believe you have a soul?

(STUTTERS) Hey, listen, Sam, I'm real sorry. That barn just came out of nowhere. No, no, it's my fault. I... I, uh... I should never have let you drive. Yeah. You were wrong. You were wrong to do that. Yeah. But that and the trial are the only two things you fucked up. So, uh...

No words. (SNIFFLES) They should've sent a poet.

At least you figured it out early.

(SNIFFLES)

(INHALES)

Yeah.

TED: No, no, that's not gonna work. You need two of them. You got to scoop one into the other.

I see.

Uh, it's been discussed, but do you mind if I ask how old you are? I'm 26. Ah.

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna havetolet you go. What? Why? I've been busting my ass at this job for three years!

I noticed you always use urinal four, so I put fresh cakes in there for you. You're an important man. You should never have to smell pee.

Hey. I just got off work and heard your message. Is that for real? Did they actually tell you that? Yeah, it's unbelievable. "Property." They said I'm property.