You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass... ...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart. I think he's mean. All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy. Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense. We don't have much of a choice. And maybe she's heard from Doug. That's what I been saying this whole time.
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Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car... ...with a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?
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DOUG: How the hell did you find this place? Don't worry about it. Oh!
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Sorry, Alan. You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be okay. [CAR APPROACHING] PHIL: Oh, shit. I can't watch. Just tell me what it looks like.
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By the way, where you get that cop car from? We, uh, stole it from these dumb-ass cops. Nice. [LAUGHING] High five that one. Yeah, that's nice. PHIL: You know, I just have to say... ...I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature. PHIL: Check it out. Stu. Stu. Fuck this tiger. STU: Oh, my God. That's awful. MIKE: Oh, man. [STU LAUGHING ON VIDEO] PHIL [OVER TV]: Oh, shit. - Who does shit like that, man?
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Honey, it's a long story.
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STU: And 100, 200, 300, 400. With all this, that's $82,400. - Oh, goddamn it. I don't fucking believe it. - Whoo! - Alan, you're the man. - You are too, Phil. We should come back next week, take the whole city down. Oh, I'm free next week. Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now. Uh, you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that is totally fine. I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around, guys. - We are back, baby. We are fucking back. - We're back. Classic. [SINGING] We are back, we are back PHIL: That's right. We are getting Doug back And we're the three best friends That anybody could have We're the three best friends That anyone could have We're the three best friends That anyone can have And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever Leave each other We're the best three friends That anybody could have I mean, the three best friends That anybody could have That's right, the three best friends That anybody can have PHIL: Now what? - Give him the signal. - What signal? - Flash your lights. Let him know it's on. - What's on? - The deal. Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles into the desert. He knows it's on. Phil, just do something.
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Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. Wow.
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- Tell me what? - Careful, Doug. These women...
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All right, to a night we'll never remember...
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Oh, fuck!
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- What is that? - Blood brothers. - Don't... Why did you...? - Damn it. - Here. - Alan... - No. - No, I'm not doing that. ALAN: Go ahead, Stuart. - Make him stop. Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife. Slowly. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much. PHIL: You all right? Are you okay? ALAN: Mm-hm. - Do you need a doctor? - He's good. PHIL: You sure? ALAN: I'm good. All right, good, because I need everybody to focus. I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk about some... I wanna talk about memory. No, better yet, I wanna talk about selective memory. You see, whatever happens here tonight may as well never have happened at all...
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STU: This is so illegal.
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...but the four of us will never forget.
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[PHONE LINE RINGING] [COUGHS] TRACY [OVER PHONE]: Hello? - Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil. Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out. PHIL: Yeah, listen. We fucked up. Thanks for the lift back to town.
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- Give him the money, Stu. - Okay.
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But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan, it was roofies! ALAN: You think I knew that, Stu?
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...but a minor speed bump... ...in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage. - Cheers. - Cheers. Short and sweet.