[TIGER ROARS] [ALAN AND PHIL GRUNT] PHIL: What the fuck?
The Hangover
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[STU GROANING]
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- You know this. I'm a stripper. - Mm-hm. Well, technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients. - Smart. - Savvy. But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor. I'm just a dentist.
The Hangover
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So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby? What? I've found a baby before. - You found a baby before? - Yeah. - Where? - Coffee Bean.
The Hangover
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We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge. There we go. [FRANKLIN & GARDEN LAUGHING] Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots. All right, kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh? Come on, let's go.
The Hangover
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Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom. Hold on, that was completely unnecessary. I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes, that was... Explain.
The Hangover
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...if I may, um... ...l'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you. - Yeah. PHIL: Yeah. Look, I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.
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It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks."
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One more time, guys. [SINGING CHORUS] PHIL: Oh, Jesus!
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- Okay. Whoa. Whoa. PHIL: Stu, Stu, Stu.
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Oh, how cute. What's his name? - Ben. - Carlos. Carlos?
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All right, look, we were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened. STU: It's true. We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend. If you wanna kill us, go ahead because I don't care anymore. - What are you talking about? - I don't care. Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger? We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up. - I don't believe these guys, man. - Wait, how did you guys find us? One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning. That's Doug's. Yeah, Doug. His wallet and his room key is in there. - No, that's our missing friend. LEONARD: I don't give a fuck. - Did you guys see him? MIKE: I was fast asleep. Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly. Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar.
The Hangover
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That's a fake laugh, by the way.
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- He's okay. PHIL: Oh, good. JADE: He was just hungry, he's fine. - Oh, good. About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug? - Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding. - The wedding. Okay. Great. And, uh, we can't re... What time was that at? Well, it was, um...
