Found 636 results
19.8s
[OBJECTS SHATTERING] Those were already damaged after they fell there! What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? And how would I do that exactly? 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? It's always just you and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... Enough! [GASPS] I said no touching!
Deadpool 2
1m11s
MAN: I'mma tell you what the big lie is. [ESCAPEPLAYING ON RADIO] Toilet paper. What's so bad about toilet paper? Gets the job done. Does it really get the job done? All right. Say you wake up tomorrow morning... and, hypothetically, find some fresh shit on your face. Your cheek, maybe a little bit in the beard. What the hell? I'm about to be fucking sick! What do you do? Do you go to a bathroom and tear off a piece of dry tissue... and rub it around on your beard a little bit and then go on, get on with your day? Go to church, maybe dinner and a movie, like nothing happened? Where is this coming from, man? But something did happen. Your face smells like shit. Right? So what you would do, is you would get some soap, you'd get some hot water... and you would scrub the fucking shit out of your beard for 10 straight minutes. You could not scrub it enough. Are you trying to make me feel disgusting? I'm starting to feel... Toilet paper is a pretty fine appetizer. But, then... Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. That's your main course. They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. Finally, one more pass with toilet paper, maybe clear out that excess moisture. Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, if you can get you a hair dryer. Just about 30 seconds would do you good.
Deadpool 2
23.9s
[LAUGHING] [JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO] [COMEDY SERIES PLAYING ON RADIO] THUG: [ON RADIO] Hey, bud. Bud. JACK: Huh? THUG: Got a match? JACK: Match? Yes, I have one right here. THUG: Don't make a move. This is a stick-up. JACK: What? THUG: You heard me. JACK: Mister, Mister, put down that gun. THUG: Shut up. Now, come on. Your money or your life? [SNIFFS] [AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO]
Deadpool 2
36.4s
Sorry I'm late. There was a bunch of handicapable children stuck in a tree... and I had to, uh... Uh-uh. You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. No.You got me. I was rounding up all the gluten in the world and launching it into space... where it can't not hurt us ever again. Try again. Diarrhea? We can't be sure until I get this suit off... but, uh, all signs point to yes. Traffic? Hmm? Kiss me like you miss me, Red. Well, come here.
Deadpool 2