You're a no good heartbreaker You're a liar and you're a cheat And I don't know why I let you do these things to me My friends keep tellin' me That you ain't no good Oh-h-h-h but they don't know That I'd leave you if I could I guess I'm uptight And I'm stuck like glue 'Cause I ain't never I ain't never I ain't never no, no Loved a man the way-- I can't believe he actually left. Alex, where are you going ? To the games. You guys better start getting ready. We gotta be there in an hour. We don't have to go to the games. Payne's gone. We don't have a chance without Payne. Listen, Payne or no Payne, I'm gonna go out there and win that stupid trophy. We busted our asses off out there gettin' ready for this. Now I didn't go through all that to come out empty-handed.
Major Payne
57.8s
Got no worry, got no stress Got no worry, got no stress 'Cause we feel good in our dress 'Cause we feel good in our dress Major Payne's a major dis Major Payne's a major dis Makes us squat when we piss He makes us squat when we piss Got no worries Got no care - Got no worries, got no care I'm a baldheaded son of a bitch without hair I'm a baldheaded son of a bitch without hair Used to be Samson Now I'm Ann Used to be Samson Now I'm Ann Gotta earn my right to be called a man Gotta earn my right to be called a man I'll tell you, ladies, you're the purtiest unit ever underneath my command ! Maybe I'll have to change my name... - to Pimp Daddy Payne ! - Heh-heh-heh. - Major !
Major Payne
31.2s
Do you really think that this approach... is the best way to gain the trust of these boys ? They may not like me, but they will respect me. Let me be more direct. - They hate you. - Good. It'll draw them close together, make 'em a team. - That's a very cynical plan. - Yeah, but it won't backfire. Here. I would like you to consider an alternative approach. I want you to have this book. Read it. Apply it.
Major Payne
4.8s
- You should shave your legs more. - Shut up ! Good day, Miss Walburn.
Major Payne
3s
- Hello, Betty. - Aghhh !
Major Payne
2.1s
He's in there ?
Major Payne
44.5s
Maybe what he need... is for you to pop your titty out his mouth... and let the boy grow up. Excuse me ? What did you say ? I didn't stutter. I said: "Pop your titty out his mouth... and stop babyin' him !" I don't call it babying. I call it nurturing. And I call it neutering ! And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, dictatorial, egomaniacal, frigid, lunatic asshole ! I ain't frigid. He's still there !
Major Payne
28.6s
Sensitive. You call that being sensitive ? Let me give you a little history on Kevin Dunne. - Both of his parents are dead. - Car accident, 1989. Lived in the Chelsea orphanage 'til 1991 when the school adopted him. I know all about it. Well, then you should also know that the last thing he needs right now... is a sadistic father figure scaring the life out of him.
Major Payne
8.9s
Well, that's all this is. Why don't you run on back to your room... before that man jump out the closet and chop your little head off.
Major Payne
26.7s
Have you been reading the book ? I might have glanced at it once or twice. Oh, well, that's very good ! I'm very proud of you, Major. - Oh, shucks. It ain't hard bein' sensitive. - He's back ! He's back ! - Who's back ? The man who lives in my closet. Aw, boy, get on outta here with that "I'm scared of the dark" crap. Go on, now. Git ! Sensitive.
Major Payne
9.5s
Well, hello, Miss Walburn. I just came by to let you know that Wuligar has a slight temperature, so you might not want to torture him this evening.
Major Payne
20.8s
What's your angle, boy ? You plottin' on me ? - No, sir ! - Don't you know I could snap your neck in 20 different places ? Major, Major ! It's okay ! He's just trying to show you some affection ! I don't like it. Make me feel all funny.
Major Payne
11.4s
"The ABC's of the Loving Male Role Model." - I don't need your book. - Take it. - I don't want it. - Take it. - I don't want it. - Please, Major ?
Major Payne
10.2s
You run on back to bed. That bad man ain't gonna bother you no more. Thank you, Major. I love you.
Major Payne
2.1s
Okay.
Major Payne
25.5s
I think I'll wait a moment. My stomach's a little upset. Them some mighty fine vittles. Shouldn't let 'em go to waste. You know, I think you're really making some wonderful strides... with the way you're dealing with the children. That was almost a really good thing... you tried to do for Tiger tonight. May I make a suggestion ?
Major Payne
21.5s
You know, I heard you've been givin' these boys a hard time. In fact, I heard you couldn't cut it... in the real man's military ! - I heard that it's time for you to leave. Know what I heard ? I heard your mother was so fat she played pool with the planets.