Found 289 results
43.2s
I found them! I can see! I can see!" Tell me it's 4:00 and you want to eat dinner. "It's 4:00 and I want to eat dinner." Tell me the buttons on your remote control are so small that you can't find Fox News. "The buttons on my remote control are so small I can't find Fox News!" - Tell me how small they are! - "They're real small!" Tell me how this neighborhood used to be safer! "This neighborhood used to be safer!" Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower! "Things were better under Eisenhower!" - We like Ike! - We like Ike! We like lke! Are you cumming or dying? I'm not sure! Maybe both!
Dirty Grandpa
19.2s
I had some of this left over from my time in the Middle East. You throw some of this shit around, you can really get away with anything. - Have some. - You're smoking grass now? Jesus, this is a gateway drug, Grandpa. Yeah, well, you just opened the gateway to being a pussy. - Take some. - Yo, D. Let's fucking bounce! - Let's fucking bounce! - Where?
Dirty Grandpa
40.5s
♪ For all those times you stood by me ♪ For all the truth that you made me see ♪ For all the joy you brought to my life ♪ Into my life ♪ For all the wrong that you made right ♪ For every dream you made come true ♪ For all the love ♪ I found in you ♪ I'll be... ♪ You've gotta be forever thankful, baby ♪ You're the one who held me up ♪ Never let me fall Let's go in for the kill.
Dirty Grandpa
59.7s
- Break it up, lesbians! Let's go. - Get down on the ground! We're doing this because you're lesbians! Get down on the ground! According to lnterstate Statute 17.37, arrests made on the lnterstate Highway System must be executed by state police, not your local law enforcement from your adjacent municipalities. You seem, like, really familiar with the penal code. You seem real cocksure about the juris-dick-tion you're in. Real cocksure! Someone drew dicks all over your face, you idiot! Well, look at that! You got dicks on your face. That middle one's mine. Look it, this one right here. - I traced it. - I thought I recognized that! Enough catching up. Let my friends go. They've literally done nothing wrong. Pam, we've got obstruction of justice here. - We got reckless endangerment. - The bus is full of drugs, I get it. Ooh, speaking of which, I've got to get out of here. I got three keys of "Frisbees" showing up to the store today, so... - I should go, question mark? - Why don't you take my squad car. That's a good idea. Give him your keys. - You mean these keys? - There they are.
Dirty Grandpa
19.4s
- Are those my pants? - Yeah, these are your pants. I found a Werther's Original in the pocket and I've been sucking on it all morning. You do know that I'm not a professor, right? Yeah, I know. You're just a dirty, dirty grandpa, and I'm just a girl from Long lsland City who likes to fuck old people.
Dirty Grandpa
13.8s
Hey, man, can you slow down? You're making this very difficult. What the fuck! That was you who drew all those dicks on me last week? - Yeah, I drew the dicks. Busted! - Oh, my God! Oh, shit! Don't worry. Get up. We'll cut through the back roads. - Wait, what? - You navigate. I'll drive.
Dirty Grandpa
55.7s
Back off, D cups! Well, if it isn't the "professor." You know, it's amazing what you can find with a name and Google these days. You're not a real professor? Oh, my God! You lied to us. How could you. Wait, wait, wait, this is the best part. This is the best part. Richard "Dick" Kelly, Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army, also known as the American Gladiator "Nitro." What the fuck did you Google? Okay, well, there's another best part then. "Jason Patrick Kelly will wed Meredith Miriam Goldstein at Jericho Temple on Saturday, March 27th." Oh, wait, that's, um, next Saturday. Wait, you're grandfather and grandson? Oh, my God! That is so fucked up. That is so hot. I mean, that is so fucked up.
Dirty Grandpa